Pandemic Thanksgiving

The year 2020 has been very interesting.

Brings to mind that old Chinese curse, "May you live in interesting times!"

From my point of view, experiencing a pandemic has not been all bad. This has been the opportunity of a lifetime to put into practice the "glass half full" philosophy and take this time to make some good changes to my life.

It's now Thanksgiving, and as always its time to reflect on one's blessings. To me, 2020 embodies the KISS principles I try to espouse and follow. The only way to keep sane during this time is to keep it simple and manage expectations.

So far, I've been able to keep my expectations in check and its worked to keep me from becoming burdened about what has been taken away. Instead, I have focused on what I have...

My health - taking extra precautions to say well

My family - although we've lost two cousins to Covid-19 and know other families with loses too

My dog - a daily joy and positive influence

Enough food - trying not to succumb to the Covid-15 and mindful there are others who are hungry

My job - fortunate to work in an industry where I can continue to work from my home

All these things I do not take for granted.

I am blessed.

I hope you are too.

Anger Management - Saving Democracy

The 2020 general election will be held in a few days and people seem to be reaching the point where they are angry about everything. I recently saw someone post a question online asking why are one side's supporters so angry. I thought it was a good question and I gave it some real thought, reaching a set of conclusions I believed were factual observations and were hopefully impartial.

Ha! I'd better think again!

I received a barrage of replies about my demeaning statements. Clearly, I'd hit a nerve even thought I tried to avoid doing so. Sadly, it seems there is very little communication happening -- definitely not occurring between the two party lines and now its apparent one can't even talk about possible causes for the great divide without insulting someone.

I'm a proud Independent Voter. I prefer to chose the best candidates regardless of their party affiliation. That used to work, but in the last 20 or so years its come to voting for the least bad candidates because there aren't any best choices. How did we get into this extreme opposition situation? Obviously this is a complex and difficult question to answer. None-the-less, I'm finding the very fundamentals of what I think being an American means have been shattered and I'm questioning if it can be put back together again.

People are very angry - anger is an emotional response. Emotions blind us to thinking logically. We are on the spiral path to the bottom once anger gets to the levels we are now seeing. Consider this...

There can be no logic when there is anger. 

Without logic, there can be no cooperation. 

Without cooperation, there can be no compromise. 

Without compromise, there can be no agreement. 

Without agreement, there can be no United States of America!

I know I've over-simplified this, but that is how I see things. It's a slippery slope we're on and together we need to find the break handle and pull hard, together to stop this thing we call our country from plunging out of control. I do think it's this simple. But it will be very hard to actually do.

I'm willing. Are you?

Taking Stock

 A few months have passed and I thought it was a great time to take stock.

In these months of being shutdown, wearing a mask and adhering to social distancing mandates, I feel just fine. I've altered my life to fit the circumstances. And, it was not all that difficult to do. Granted...

• I do not have school-aged children to care for while working from home.
• My elder parents passed in 2018, so those concerns were no longer present.
• The company I work for has promised to let us work remotely until this pandemic has ceased.
• My customers are also working remotely, so there's no pressure to make in-person calls in their workplace.
• I live in a neighborhood where we have plenty of open space and can walk safely.
• My house is on a wooded lot, so I can enjoy nature without dealing with other people.
• I have a great life mate who takes good care of me (does the shopping!)

In other words, I am very fortunate!

This pandemic has given us the opportunity of a lifetime to reexamine our lives and the choices we make. Because of the shutdown, we have more time to reflect and yes, deal with the impacts this situation has forced upon us. I feel for the small business owners who are struggling to stay in business and am so sad for those who lost the battle. I am grateful to the people working in health care who are on the front line helping the sick and for those who are working to keep the rest of us healthy. I am amazed at the fortitude of parents and teachers embracing change to make learning work for our children while keeping them safe. 

On the other hand, I am dismayed by our national response. As Americans I would have thought we'd pull together to deal with these difficult and life-threatening circumstances, finding ways to make things safer and even better when we emerge from the pandemic. I always believed what made our democracy the model for the world was how much we cared about each other and how we found ways to work together. Sadly, this threat has only proved we are not the people I thought we were.

I have no answers except one... Vote! 

If you are unhappy with how things are today, you have the power to change them! And, the chance to do so is less than a month away. Anyone who choses to not vote has forfeited their right to complain.

I don't know how things will turn out, but I do know it all depends on how many people turnout!

Pandemics Bring Change

After every pandemic, human life changes... usually for the better.

Sickness and the threat of widespread death drives people to embrace changes they normally wouldn’t make. The biggest change so far in the Covid-19 era is making teleworking the new normal.

I just spoke with a high ranking government official who said before Covid-19 struck, he was not in favor of letting people work from home. Now, his opinion has undergone a radical change in a mere few months. He says once everyone learned how to telework and was equipped with the right infrastructure to effectively connection and work remotely, he’s become a big fan!

Teleworking has leveled the playing field so to speak.

Before the pandemic, some offices allowed people to telework while others didn’t. And, even those that did had different policies so the adoption was uneven. And, this unevenness created friction within the organization.

Now that everyone is working remotely, people are effectively collaborating and sharing information! People are more available and respond more quickly to requests and queries. There are huge savings looming as the federal, state and local governments shutdown physical offices in favor of working from home. Even customer service has improved because more people are reachable using the telework platforms.

I know there is another market that will take a hit if all this office space suddenly is unrented. This problem goes even further and wider as one looks at shopping being done more online because of the pandemic. Suddenly, brick and mortar stores aren’t needed. I wonder, can thes buildings be turned into living and recreational spaces?

Big change is upon us!

What will our near-term and long-term future look like? I can’t wait to find out!

Teleworking is the Great Equalizer

Like many, I’m working from home these days due to the Coronavirus pandemic. During the shutdown order, I started working a new job. so, six weeks into the new job, I've gotten to know my colleagues only via teleconference. And yesterday, I had a realization...

Teleconferencing is the great equalizer!

I've never met anyone in my new company in person, so my perception of them is what I see on the screen. Everyone is pretty much the same on the screen. I can't tell if they are tall or short, fat or skinny (because of camera angles, it's easy to set up the most flattering view). Of course, I can tell if they are young or old, but even that is subject to how the person wants to convey their image... and some folks don't bother to turn on their camera, so they remain a black screen with initials showing.

Even race is downplayed on a teleconference because we are so focused on the work at hand, we are sharing a common goal of getting the job done.

I know for certain my new colleagues most likely think I'm younger than my chronological age because even in person I project a younger image. I'm not very photogenic, but for some reason video likes me so that's a real plus too.

Even the background in our screen shot can be changed so you can hide the cubby hole you're using to setup your impromptu work from home space. 

Experts foresee teleconferencing and working remotely taking hold and replacing many office jobs. I'm fine with this becoming our new normal. I know employers are getting more work hours out of us since we're online instead of commuting. And, I am loving staying out of the horrendous traffic we have in our area. It's so much better for the environment too.

There is also a down side to teleworking, which you'd think is missing interactions with real people. But, I feel I'm getting plenty of people-time via our videoconferencing. It's not that. It's that not everyone has good network connectivity nor knows how to use the tools well.

I recently interviewed and hired multiple people for open positions. Most handled their video interview just fine, but some didn't. One person had such a weak connection, the session kept freezing-up and we had to reboot multiple times. This was very disruptive and to be honest, it left a negative feeling about this person's preparedness -  they should have setup in a place with good Internet access. We gave this person the benefit of the doubt and setup a second interview, and it was the same situation. Because I work in IT, this showed we couldn't depend on this person to do this job..

Another interviewee projected on the screen sideways and the image was heavily pixelated. I could not actually see what this person looked like, but looks were not what I needed to know. But again, not being able to properly use the teleconferencing tool made it clear this person was not technically savvy enough for the job.

It's a whole new way of working and I think it's going to be just fine. When the pandemic is past us and we're able to resume in-person meetings, I now I'll have no need to rush into the office.

But, I do plan a team luncheon so we can actually meet in person... I bet there will be some real surprises in store for us. :)

For Pat Carriere

Suddenly, my good friend Pat was gone. On May 20th, she didn’t feel good and passed away enroute to the hospital. I don’t know the cause and it doesn’t really matter. I know she was very cautious about staying inside and being safe from Covid-19, but still I wonder...

Let me tell you about my friend Pat.

Pat was an authentic person with a huge heart and a longing to give that love to everyone she met. Pat chose to become a nurse and help people who were sick and suffering. In the second part of her career, Pat went to work for the National Archives as thir health unit nurse. Last year, she retired and went on the trip she had so looked forward to taking to cruse around South America. This she thought would be the first of many such trips with her group of friends that loved to travel together.

The long flight back to the US from Buenos Ares stressed her body and Pat developed blood clots in her lungs. She nearly died, but fought to hold onto life, working hard in rehab. to recover and resume her independent life in the condo she called home for 30 years, where she lived with her cat of 21 years. Over the years, Pat worked hard to overcome obesity, losing more than 100 pounds through sheer determination. Thankfully, being in better physical condition helped her survive this ordeal with the blood clots and before the Covid-19 pandemic hit in February, she was once again volunteering at the church thrift store and helping her nieces with babysitting and doing other things to help them deal with work and children. She loved being Aunt Pat and talked endlessly about her wonderful nieces and nephews and their young children.

Perhaps the thing about Pat that I’ll miss the most is she was my one connection with my mother who passed away in 2018. Pat and my mother were nurses together and also good friends. Pat was the only person left who had heard stories about me from my mother and could share those. Pat loved my mother and I relished hearing her version of events I’d only heard from Mom.

Pat was also the big sister of my school-age best friend, with whom I am estranged for many years. Thought Pat I kept current on events in the Carriere family with whom I’d grown-up.

Mostly, I loved Pat for her big heart. I never ever heard her say an bad thing about anyone. She was such a loving person who you could count on for a shoulder and the truth.

Pat never married and that was a subject about which I only know little. I am pertty sure she had someone who cared for her in her life, but from what she’d told me the last time we spoke — a month ago — he was working out of state and while they talked often, he wasn’t around. It makes me sad that Pat left this life with so many plans and hopes for the future. We never know when our time will come and we are taken to the next existence. But when a beloved person goes without warning so suddenly, we who are left behind are helpless and looking to rationalize this empty feeling.

Pat, I know you and your fatith was very strong. I believe you are soring in the bright light of our creator’s love, free of your eathly cares and woes. Fly high and be free as you’ve alway tried to be.

I’ll miss you!

Nature is Our Mother

Who would have thought the Earth would start to heal if humans stayed inside their houses!

I’ve always thought humans would drive nature to do something dramatic to save itself, and now we have a global health crisis!

For years humans have ignored scientists warnings about overpopulation. As our numbers sored, humanity’s need for more food, more homes, more highways and roads, and more stuff pilphered the Earth’s natural resources and put the planet on the brink of disaster.

But, today the Earth seems to be showing us it can repair itself if humans allow it to happen.

I have no faith in human beings to do this.

However, I wish we would.

Sadly people are dying from the virus and there is no cure available for awhile to come.  I am praying we give our planet enough time to make corrections we need to survive — not just this pandemic, but  keeping the environment human-friendly.

The New Normal

As this pandemic continues, I see positive and negative stemming from the experience.

The negatives include the following:

• People not be allowed to be with their loved ones. Either out of precaution or because they are sick with the virus.
• Isolation-related disorders on the rise. 
• Panic buying of food and household items.
• Increasing the divide in our country.

However, there is also the counter-balance positives happening, such as:

• People adjusting to using social media and collaboration tools to connect. So many people are getting creative and are using their imaginations to be together. 
• For example, my colleague who has a toddler told me about her plan for her daughter’s 3rd birthday party coming up this weekend. She has invited the neighborhood friends to the virtual birthday party and dropped off gift packages at each house with things the kids will be making together as a party activity. The party theme is Princes and Knights. After the items are made, the parents will parade the party goers around the neighborhood — keeping appropriate social distancing — wearing what they make. She will drop off cupcakes and favor bags the morning of the party for each kid. Sounds like its going to be fun despite the circumstances.
• I attended a virtual funeral via Zoom for my second cousin who died in NYC of the virus. The only people attending in person were his wife, daughter and the officiate and a helper. It was a moving experience and providing a zoom enabled me to attend — along with 250 others — something I probably wouldn’t have been able to do in person since the trip each way would be 5 hours.
• I have participated in a Passover Seder via Zoom with my Jewish relatives who live in another state. Holding this virtualluy ensured I could attend. And so did my brother who lives even further away and never gets to join us.
• I’ve been included in several virtual happy hours with friends whom I’ve been trying to get together with for a couple years, but our schedules never worked out!
• My daughter is a Clincial Psychologist working with trauma victims. She tells me they have continued to provide counseling sessions remotely and are even adding new patients as the need for support rises. (The down side is she’s working even more hours given there’s no need to commute!)
• Ample supplies have been available from Amazon and other providers who deliver to the house.
• Senior hours have been established at grocery and warehouse stores when extra measures are being taken to santize carts and enforce social distancing while giving the older and at risk populations first access to food and other supplies. I hope this practice continues as our new normal since its much better for seniors.

As for the great American divide, I think the political atmosphere has opened the eyes of some people as the response to this pandemic becomes more obvious. I’ll leave with this though, as our nation longed for leadership, some have stepped up in our time of need. It’s tragic and unforgiveable that people died because mistakes were made. Some would have, but perhaps not this many. Our numbers continue to grow and yesterday the number of Americans who have died from the Corona virus surpassed the number killed in the Vietnam war... 

Two More Covid-19 Deaths

It seems with every passing day, I learn of more Covid-19 deaths. Yesterday, we learned that my husband’s first cousin passed away from the virus, and a friend of mine’s father also died.

The growing list of the dead in my social sphere:
Irwin
Jen’s Dad
Nancy
John
Jody’s Dad

Those who have tested positive for the virus - 2 people I know, mother and daughter (who is pregnant the with her second child and has a 2 year old)

I write this because I feel it is important to 1) document what is happening during this pandemic and 2) Keep these families in mind and heart.

As my list grows, so does my anger at the increased pressures to reopen our country.

We don’t understand this sickness enough to accurately predict our future health status. Everything we’re being told turns out to be incorrect or worse, purposefully said to create a false sense of security when in truth we are only at the beginning of this.

Right now the most important thing to do is stay inside, keep healthy, and stay sane!

For Nancy Duncan Wohleber

Nancy is the 3rd victim of the cornavirus pandemic that I've known. I know three other people who have tested positive for the virus at this point in time.  Nancy is the mother of one of my best friends. Nancy was a nurse and a mother -- giving of herself her entire life.  Nancy was in a rehabilitation center recuperating when she contracted the virus. Nancy died a miserable death, gasping for air, alone.

I plan to report the tales of this pandemic from where I live. I believe it is incredibly important to record what is happening as we go through this. I know people are finding it very difficult to shelter-in-place for these past 30 days... yes, it's only been one month so far. I appreciate for many people it feels much longer.

That's where my sympathies end.

Crazy people are whining about how hard this is - but imagine how easy we really have it in these days of the internet, smart phones and smart tvs, food delivery services and facetime!

I know it is hard on parents to be home with their children while they are working. But heck, isn't that what all mothers throughout time have had to do?

Believe, me, when you know 3 people who have died so far, this virus becomes a very real threat. I'll do whatever I must to survive it.

For Mary Miller

Dearest Mary,

I just learned about your passing, I'd feared this was the news.

I've tried to call you without success... I knew you were sad and blue.

About dear Tommy's leaving you... I know you could't wait...

To be with him again.

To Mom and everyone you knew... You were the dearest friend.

I'm sad, but know you're in great joy... Again with all you loved.

God bless your soul and give you flight... That never, ever ends.

Where Are the Winners?

I like winners.

I hate whiners!

We are in a global pandemic right now and people need to get a grip! It's only been one month so far!

Listening to the experts who monitor how the virus is spreading across the planet, where it is and it's impacts, this thing is not yet close to being over. And yet people are already crying about having to stay inside, put distance between them and other people, and not go out to eat.

Is this what humanity has become?

What happened to the strong willed and resistant people who fought and won wars to end tyranny?  The self-sacrificing souls who withstood endless hardships without complaint?

Seeing how badly this country is reacting puts fear in me about our ability to stand-up to attack, take-over attempts and disasters.

Americans like to think of themselves as winners, but I'm seeing a lot of losers.  Time to shut-up, stand-up and get our act together!

We have hard times ahead of us and nobody is going to save us but ourselves!

For Irwin

Today, your spirit left you,
It went to soar on high.
Your time on Earth was limited,
And now its passed you by.

I like to think you're flying free,
Of all your Earthy pain.
Coronavirus stripped your life,
Your heart took not the strain.

We'll miss your smile and funny ways,
You cared beyond your means.
It breaks my heart you'll never see,
The woman Becca will have been.

Amidst our fear and anguish,
it's time to let you go.
May your name become a blessing,
Your love the seeds you sowed.

America the Disfunctional

The corona virus pandemic is getting worse in the U.S. I now know several people who have contracted the virus and are hospitalized. The reality that the rest of the world has been living is now hitting home.

My heart goes out to the medical care givers who are suffering because of the flood of casualties and do not have the right personal protection equipment, so they are now getting sick. My nephew is an emergency room doctor in LA and he's got two very young children whom he can't see out of fear of passing the infection to them. My daughter is a psychologist working in a Chicago hospital, but thankfully they are not seeing patients in the flesh right now... of course, this situation is exactly when people feel most traumatized and need their therapist most. My cousin's daughter is a pediatric doctor in the Bronx which is currently ground zero for the disease in the U.S. From them I'm hearing the reality of the pandemic.

So, when I read about people not complying with local and state government orders to shelter in place and stay home, I'm livid. When I see kids going to beaches on spring break, I'm livid. When I see people whine on social media about being bored, I'm livid.

When did people become this selfish?

Today I read that Dr. Anthony Fauci who is the country's leading specialist on infectious disease is getting death threats and needed to hire security, I'm livid.

When did people get to be so mean to each other?

I've also seen countless acts of kindness and caring happening, and for these I'm grateful.

It's very hard not to get into politics as holding some of the blame for the bad things we're experiencing. Politics is also responsible for mega trillions of dollars that will soon be going out to help people who are hurting and struggling to survive. Our current confused leadership, and I use that term lightly, is lacking in the very thing we need most right now. Someone we can believe 1) cares about all of us, 2) has the skills to move us as quickly as possible out of this crisis, and 3) shares the good stories to help us cope.

People are talking about getting back to normal. But to me, the recent normal is all messed up. We are much better not returning to the highly charged divisiveness this country has been experiencing. This pandemic is exactly the type of opportunity to bring everyone together again. The gift of time we now have because we're not all running around is exactly what we need to devise a better way to live after the crisis is past.

Are we smart and disciplined enough to grab these rare chances to make things better?

New World, Like it or Not

Let's face it, the world we knew is gone. At least for this moment in time.

I like to think of myself as a change agent - that means I am not risk adverse by nature, but rather embrace change as a way to move forward. And hopefully the place where we end up is better than that we left. Change can be exciting.

Recent events are changing our world. I'm talking about the current pandemic and shifts in international thinking toward nationalism instead of globalism. Layer in the swift advances in technology that seems to be constantly upgrading how we do things. It's really small wonder people are feeling disconnected, confused and threatened, instead of excited.

These feelings I believe are the biggest reasons for countries to withdraw into themselves. People yearn to regain the feeling of belonging to something that matters, to be part of something everyone agrees is sacred and worthwhile support and defending... hence the resurgence of nationalism. The problem though is that world no longer exists. You can't go back to the way it once was. We can only go forward.

Sadly, some of the leaders in influential countries who are of late emerging seem to lack in fundamental leadership skills and qualities citizens once took for granted. This has resulted in creating factions within the populations; those who support the new leadership and those who do not; creating tension in political systems. For a change agent, tension is normally a good thing because it identifies those who will be supportive and can be drafted to support change efforts. And, that's now happening on a national level.

The question is, is change on the national level too big to manage?

Can you get a sufficient level of support to make the change happen and make it stick?

Do you have the right leadership to drive successful change, and do you know the success factors so you can measure them?

Has the change agenda been properly vetted and planned to ensure all risks are identified and have mitigation tactics prepared in advance?

Is there a fall-back position for each strategic milestone to safeguard from complete failure if things don't go well?  In other words, is there a safety net in place?

I don't know how things will end up and how many people will die in this pandemic. My hope is the messages of hope and calls for fortitude to get us all through this get through all the noise... this is what people need to hear.

As for the grand vision of change, I think we should leave politics lie while we treat our sick and dying.

Coronovirus Challenges & Burdens - YOU can Help!

In this age of the Coronovirus it's important to keep things in perspective. But, it's even more important to put attention and energy into helping others so they can withstand the isolation, withdrawal and separation from life as we knew it before the pandemic hit.

You can feel like you're on house arrest or you can look at being home as a time for yourself. I know I'm always the last person I take time for. Now that things are slowed down and we are restricted from going out and about, it's all about taking care of you and your loved ones. But, there's positives about this situation too, and one doesn't need to look hard to find ways to turn this negative into an opportunity to do good.

It's not lost on me how difficult it is for parents right now trying to keep their children safe, healthy and occupied while schools and childcare are closed. At this point in my life my kids don't live with me. In some ways I wish they were here so I could make certain they are doing all the right things to stay safe and healthy. But, I also know we gave them all the tools they need to be responsible adults. And, we keep in touch so I know they're alright. I feel compassion for people who now find themselves needing to simultaneously fill the role of parent, teacher, recreation director and social worker for their house-bound children.

Our parents all passed away in 2018. Forgive me for thinking this, but I'm glad they are not being subjected to dealing with the coronovirus. This situation would have been very difficult on them and its a relief on us to not be dealing with it. I feel such compassion for people who do have elderly people they need to care for in these trying times.

The people who I have the most concern for are the health care professionals who are on the front lines dealing with the sick. My daughter works at a hospital and isn't having to provide care of the sick, so she is helping raise funds to provide those who are sick or helping care for the sick with comforts they can't get while quarantined at the hospitals. We need to find ways to support these people as they are away from their families and loved ones, to boaster them in any way we can to keep them from collapsing under the weight of their burdens. Small things can make a big difference. For example, yesterday we ordered cases of individual packages of crayons to give isolated patients and care workers so they can fill their time coloring instead of looking at the walls.  The hospital is printing coloring pages to give out. My daughter started an effort to collect donated tablets to lend to patients without their own smartphones so they can facetime or email with loved ones while in isolation units. These are just a couple samples of little things that will mean a lot in this crisis.

Imagine how much good we can do from the safety of our homes!  So I'm urging everyone to check with your local charities and other sources to see how you can help support the sick and those who care for them. We also need to look out for the homeless, those who are helpless and those who are hopeless. A phone call to check on them goes a long way to life someone's spirits. A surprise gift showing up is a great way to create cheer and even inspire others to pay-it-forward. I believe humans have great desire to do good. Tapping into the good each of us can provide to someone who needs it is a real way to create change and help us all make it through this crisis.

Final Wishes

Being habitually practical and believing in planning, I've decided to document my last wishes so my family isn't left in the dark when I'm gone.

I know the timing of this coincides with the cornovirus pandemic, and that's what brought doing this to front of mind. In addition to my formal Last Will in Testament, I want to leave what's called Personal Instructions  to help my family make arrangements after I pass. These are end-of-life wishes carefully and formally outlined to save my family from a lot of stress, uncertainty, and confusion when it comes to carrying out my last wishes.

Never afraid of death because I know its just part of the natural cycle of life, I found writing this statement to be an interesting exercise. Like any good plan, it made me think carefully about my intentions and desired outcomes.

Relax, It's Fine

I live in MD and though we've had relatively few cases of the Coronvirus, things are shutting down. And I am perfectly fine with this. Safety first!

The company where I work was ahead of the crisis and we've been working from home since late February. I'm loving it. I'm so much more productive at home, and I don't waste time and energy commuting. My typical daily commute ranges from 1.25 hours to 2 hours each way. I certainly am not missing that.

As for interacting with people, we're still meeting and working on our team while in different locations. Not that much different from normal for us.

What I'm really loving is being with my dog all day long. We can take our dogs to work, but my commute is to brutal for him to take. He's not very good in cars.

My husband his here with me too. I've seen some couples starting to complain on social media about too much being together. I don't see that happening to us. He's doing his thing in another room while I work in my office space.

The brightest spot in all this is going outside.

I've been walking my dog during my lunch and other breaks, so I'm getting fresh air and sunlight every day. Since it's feeling like Spring now, it's such a pleasure to be outside (despite seasonal allergies starting to hit me!)

I believe we'll all make it through this pandemic is we don't panic. May be too late to say this because of all the runs on local grocers and other stores for toilet paper and other staples. My husband asked one man why he needed 5 cases of bottled water and the man had no answer.

We have no idea how long this situation will persist. The best thing to do is practice social distancing and better yet, stay away from other people. Easy for me to say while I sit here in the suburbs. I know its much more difficult for city dwellers (like my son and daughter).

Think before going out and play it safe!

We can all use a break from the rat race.

Hindsignt

I just re-read a post from 2009 about my daughter choosing a college different from the one I preferred. Looking back at how things have worked out so far is a real gift.

At the time, I wanted her to go to a new program for TV Writing at a pretty prestigious school. I was so proud that she was accepted into the program. I knew at the time part of my elation was vicariously living through her. That would have been something I would have loved to be able to do. Instead, she decided to go to a private small college in state and to study psychology. She flourished in that program, graduating with honors and many accolades in just three years! She went on to complete a 5-year master/doctorate program, and became a Doctor of Clinical Psychology at age 26.

I am so very proud of her that I am busting my buttons!

She is making a real difference in people's lives!

My daughter works with patients who have suffered trauma and PTSD. She is working in Chicago where violence is higher than in many other large cities. She works very hard and puts in many, many hours, not just doing patient care, but also fund-raising for money to buy her patients things they need to aid in their recovery, but they cannot afford to buy themselves.

My daughter is selfless, almost to a fault.

She takes on additional duties to cover when there were staffing shortages. She lets patients call her at any time, not just during office hours. She holds people's hands when they are suffering and stays with them when they relapse, giving them support and if needed, a shoulder to cry on.

As I l write this, the stark difference in how things turned out from what I had envisioned is simply amazing.

The lesson I learned while living through this with my daughter is this... nobody has a crystal ball to foretell the future. The future is what you make of it!

New Chapter

I'm feeling a shift in my subconscious.

I know this shift is caused by recognizing that I'm aging. We all know we get older with every passing day. But to actually realize I'm an older person is life changing.

Until recently, I never thought about my age. I assumed it would always be this way. Inside, I feel like I'm the same person I've been since I came fully into the age of reason. Two things have changed this for me.

First, the realization that my body isn't able to do the same things it always could. I'm not a fitness type person and I know I have not been kind to my physical self. I've even voiced concerns in the last few years about needing to get into better physical shape being an imperative as the window for doing so was starting to close. It's the little things that I see beginning to change such as being less strong so lifting or shifting objects is now more difficult. It's a wake-up call.

Now that the cornovirus is sweeping through the country (and across the planet), I realize for the first time, I fall into a demographic that needs to be more cautious. In past pandemics, I just went about my business as normal. Not this time - fortunately, I work for a company that has closed all physical sites in favor of working from home.

Of course there are other signs of aging taking place - getting some silver strands in my hair (and worse, eyebrows!) and thankfully, very few wrinkles (only those lines around my eyes from squinting - why do I not wear my reading glasses!) But, none of these has bothered me.

I know I can weather these latest indications by doing a daily fitness routine and by limiting exposure to other people.

It occurs to me this is just one more thing nobody told us about - you know that list of things your mother never shared...

- How to deal with work/life balance stress
- What menopause is going to do to your body and how to cope
- How to survive losing a parent
- What its like to grow old and how to do this gracefully

Getting old is something not everyone gets to experience. I realize I've been blessed and I truly look forward to making the most of this new experience as I've done at every other stage of my life. I just wish I'd been better prepared. Feels like this happened over night!

Panic at the Grocery Store

I'd rather see a panic at the disco (name of a musical group) than a panic at the grocery store.

We are now if full-blown coronavirus panic and it ain't pretty.
(https://www.washingtonpost.com/world/2020/03/07/coronavirus-live-updates/)

I believe some of this panic fire is being fanned by the media in search of eyeballs and ratings. Sensationalism sells. Putting aside the misinformation being promoted, here are common sense prevention methods everyone should be following to keep healthy and prevent further spread of the virus.

• Wash your hands with hot water and soap for at least 20 seconds (long enough to sing one verse of Happy Birthday to You) multiples times a day, especially after touching things other people have touched
• Avoid going to places where large groups of people gather (where people with the virus but have not yet developed symptoms may be present)
• Don't touch your face after touching things other people have touched (before washing your hands with hot water and soap for at least 20 seconds)

This advice is not new.

My mother taught me to do this when I was a child, especially during cold and flu season.

I'm fortunate enough to work for an enlightened employer who has everyone working from home for the next two weeks to prevent spreading the virus. Yes, my company cares about its people. This is also a smart business tactic to protect the company's investment in highly skilled technical workforce upon whom their ability to deliver depends. It's also the way we help protect our customers, upon whom our business depends.

Yet, highest level government officials are saying in public forums, which get televised, that people should go about their normal business including going to work and to school. I'm not trying to make a political statement here, but it does seem irresponsible to down play the seriousness of sick people mingling with healthy people. And, never once did these officials mention the 3 simple things already noted that everyone should be doing. EVERYONE!

Things are not dire at this moment. But considering there are already runs on the grocery and warehouse stores, I can see this can easily get out of control.

I guess its every person for themself in today's environment, which goes beyond sad. It's actually dangerous.

May You Live in Interesting Times

There is a Chinese curse which says “May you live in interesting times.” Like it or not, we live in interesting times. These are times of danger and uncertainty; but this is also the most creative of any time in the history of mankind.
Technological advances that are life-changing appear so rapidly people now suffer from decision-paralyses, afraid to buy now because the next better things is just about to be released.
Social media has increased the amount of information we can get, but with this comes disinformation, so what can you trust to make decisions?
Medical advances are extending lives, but as people age and live longer, the quality of life becomes a valid question that we have not yet figured out how to handle.
Global consumerism makes the variety of products and services we can purchase much broader, but the connected supply-chain has introduced cyber threats as well as increasing our risk of pandemics.
In recent history, we've learned how our very national politics can be influenced and disrupted by foreign players, driving distrust for our institutions and government entities.
But, the most interesting of all is the breakdown of our community fabric.
People were once united by living in the same geographic location, attending the same schools and churches, and living at the same economic level. Today, based on ease of moving around and social experiments over the last 40 years, people are less connected. Being less connected with your neighbors leads to less interaction and having less in common, which results in less understanding, compassion and trust. Distrust is the foundation upon which division is created.
Our country is severely divided.
This is a curse I hope we survive.

x

I'm Free

I'm free!

I do not have any other people to care for or worry about - I'm free!

I have saved enough money to support myself for the rest of my life if I live responsibly - I'm free!

I hold no grudges toward anybody - I'm free!

I like myself - I'm free!

I do what I want every day - I'm free!

I work because I enjoy what I'm doing, not because I need to work - I'm free!

I control my own schedule most of the time - I'm free!

I own my cars - I'm free!

I can pay off my mortgage whenever I chose to do so - I'm free!

I have accomplished most of the things I wanted in my life - I'm free!

I have a loving family - I'm free!

I have a loving dog - I'm free!

I live in a place where I feel safe - I'm free!

I live where I am surrounded by nature - I'm free!

I feel the great spirit working in me - I'm free!

The list goes on...

Sure there are things I don't have, but why dwell on them when I have so much more.

I'm free!

America, We Need a Better Primary Process

Let me make one thing perfectly clear (quoting Bernie Sanders), I am an Independent voter!

My leanings are libertarian and I'm getting more conservative the older I get. Usually, I'm not very engaged during elections. I listen to the news, read what people post on social media and make up my own mind. I don't want to talk politics here, but I want to talk about our political apparatus.

Our primary system of scheduling some states voting ahead of others is just crazy! The six states with the most electors are California (55), Texas (38), New York (29), Florida (29), Illinois (20), and Pennsylvania (20). Then, tomorrow is Super Tuesday and fourteen state primaries and the American Samoa caucuses will take place, amounting to 1357 pledged delegates—33.8% of the nationwide total. In other words, it could be over tomorrow night (or when all the votes are counted) and the blue candidate will be known.

But what about the rest of us who didn't yet cast our votes? Our choices aren't going to matter. This is wrong morally and constitutionally.

So, I am proposing the following change to be followed by BOTH parties. This arrangement gives every voter a fair chance to have their vote count. It also would put less pressure on the candidates, who are running all over the country doing town halls and far too many debates, costing them money and their health. Let them save their energy for the race that really matters - the general election!

Here is my proposal:

1) Divide the country and territories into regional voting blocks - I think 6 is a good number

2) Hold voting within all the territories on the same day - so you get a more pure outcome

3) Give campaigns 45 days to take stock of the 1st vote results and decide if they continue

4) Hold a second primary with those left in the race

5) Winner goes to the convention - if its still close, let the convention decide

Now, I know this is a sound proposal that would work except for one thing - Politics! Our political parties do not want this to be a fair process. They want us to think it is, but it is not. There is too much money and power at stake to change anything. But I need to ask, when is enough enough? Every cycle things get worse.
So, this pop-eyed optimist hopes there is a chance to bring sanity into our election process.

Forgiveness is Food for the Soul

Came across a meme today that stated...

Today I decided to forgive you. 

Not because you apologized, or because you acknowledge the pain that you caused me, but because my soul deserves peace.

How true this is!

I've always known I have a soul. I've felt it all my life. I'm connected with my soul, making me a compassionate and empathetic person.

I've been blessed to have very few people actually hurt me. And, being human, I've carried ill feelings toward those people. That is until I gave it up to allow God or the universe or whatever power levels out the negative and positive energy surrounding every living being.

But, there was one person I found difficult to release my negativity toward. The general attitude toward this guy by those who encountered him is negative. People who witnessed what he did to me reassured me his actions were unfair, unwarranted, and overall unpleasant to the organization, not just to me. So the flames of malcontent toward this person kept my own negativity alive and well. And festering for years.

A few months ago I ran into this fellow at an industry meeting. My immediate reaction was negative as all the old feelings zoomed to the surface (I hadn't seen him since the personal incident.) But, I noticed I was sitting slightly behind him. It seemed he was uncomfortable, and I assumed it was because of seeing me.

So, I decided it was time to let this go.

At the next break, I went over and extended my hand to him.

With a moment's hesitation, he took it.

Niceties were exchanged and we parted.

I felt so much better. The Bogyman was let out of the cage and what was left was just another person. Fascinatingly, after we did this, he was much more relaxed as he listened from his seat. Clearly, my perception that I was making him uncomfortable wasn't wrong. And, now we both had peace.

Peace.

The ultimate reward.

Office Politics are Ugly

America is completely tangled up in the upcoming election. It's all you hear or read about. But there is another type of politics going on in our work places.

I've never been good at office politics.

I attribute this to not caring much about what others think, and simultaneously being too eager to please. I have my mother to thank for embedding these traits into my psyche. She taught me that hard work was its own reward and that by doing hard work, you would be noticed.

Well, dear mom got that partially right.

Taking pride in my work is one reason why people seek me out, because my work products are always top quality. But, the next reaction is where things get ugly fast. Once your work quality is noticed, it becomes a magnet that attracts those who aren't putting in their best effort. They suddenly want you to do their work for them. Oh yes, they come loaded with praise and other flattery about showing them how you do it, teaching them or mentoring them, or helping them with a project they just can't figure out because you're so good at this.

What I wish mom had taught me was how to say no in an appropriate manner. I'm much better at it now in my last gasps of my career, but it is still very hard to do without insulting the person asking. You see, now that they have offered-up praise and adoration, you are supposed to capitulate by doing what they're asking of you.

My fall-back excuse is the calendar... "Oh, sorry, I'm working on something that's due tomorrow and just don't have any time to spare."

This is a bs response and I know it. I'd rather be upfront and able to say... "So glad you've noticed my work excellence, which I truly appreciate. I'd be happy to recommend some courses you should take to bring your game up to par." Or something more honest.

Then there are other low-lying career sinkers lurking in the office. Worse of all are the passive-aggressive coworkers upon whom you must rely and they know they hold all the cards. No matter how much you appeal to them, they will never give up their knowledge, which is the source of their power. I recall asking the office expert for his input on a recommendation I was preparing to present to management. Getting his apparent agreement, I ran with it. But, in the presentation, this same expert opposed my recommendation based on facts he had not shared with me. Afterward, I confronted him and got the response, "You didn't ask me about that." In other words, he only answered the questions I asked, but did not provide me with any other information I needed to know. It was his little game. He played it with everyone. (Which was my saving grace - when I said I'd checked with the expert, everyone knew what had happened. I never let that happen to me again!)

Now I've found myself in another situation where my lead is a micro-manager. He's become a bottleneck to me getting my work done. Worse of all, he is blocking me from getting any visibility and has placed himself in the position of controlling all perception of my work value. In other words, my job is dependent upon keeping him happy with me. But, I have no idea what he thinks because he won't share that with me. We work in a flat organization and its clear there's no other person who will be involved in making career decisions about me.

I know in this situation I have two options only... stay or leave. That's all I control and it's making me very unhappy. I really like this company and the work we do. I believe we are making a difference. But, I feel invisible and don't trust my lead enough to be able to relax. It feels like a boulder is hanging over me at all times. I have confirmed I'm not alone in this situation, which adds more validity to my concerns. I know two people who were released with a moment's notice. They told me no reason was given as they were escorted from the building.

The problem with leaving is starting over again in learning who you can trust and who are the snakes in the new environment. It's so exhausting.

Am I Blue

Everyone has a down day and this is mine.

Admittedly, my down days are much better than most people's...

- I'm not in bed crying

- I'm not binge-eating (well, I am sorta doing this)

- I'm not thinking this is the end of the world

What I am having difficulty doing is finding purpose in my life. Sadly, I'm driven by having things to get done. I'm task and goal oriented. But, I have nothing purposeful to contribute in the situation where I'm at. And, this has to change.

My situation is half work and half personal. So please indulge me while I explain.

My work is dissatisfying because the place is dysfunctional and the bright side is everyone with whom I work has the same complaints - so I'm not really crazy. But, I've come to the conclusion its not really fixable and that's bringing me down. I've started applying at other places, but am getting discouraged after having initial calls and then getting rejected. So, clearly, there's something in my current psyche that is affecting my projected persona. Got another rejection today after what I felt was a really good interview with a company I really wanted to be apart of.

My personal life is blah. Not bad, but nothing exciting or interesting or motivating happening there. I know I need to cultivate some friendships and open up new channels which would help on this side of me. Like a lot of long-time couples, our interactions aren't very stimulating... in fact, boring has become our way of life. That suits my other half just fine. When I try to discuss my feelings, I just get a rye face of dismissal. Clearly no help is coming from this direction.

I ran into a good friend today who is struggling with elder care for her mother-in-law, empty nest issues and has a new grandchild coming in a month, where she has committed to come care of the two siblings after the new baby is born and she's so exhausted, she isn't even looking forward to it. She looked so stressed out it broke my heart.  All I could do was give her a big hug, in fact I gave her two!

I have another friend with whom I talk every day in a mostly one-way conversation about the stresses she's enduring. When I interject something about my life, she's quick to end the call or change the topic back to her own problems. These daily calls are doing nothing to improve my life. At first, I felt I was being a helpful friend (actually we are related). But, now its clear I'm only the enabler and I need to exit this toxic relationship for my own sake. I know her troubles are real and I feel for her. I don't want to completely cut off our relationship, but with her it is all or nothing, as I've witnessed her do with others. If I'm honest with myself I know I'm hanging on hoping something good will occur for her -- in this case get a full time job -- which will not allow her the time to continue these ongoing, endless diatribes of woe.

Lastly, I recently gave notice to end my presidency of the board of directors for a local charity, where I've been volunteering for many years. Despite my best efforts to right the ship, its obvious the only remedy is firing the current CEO. I have no problem firing an under-performing employee.  My problem was she's skillfully hidden all the information necessary to enable the organization to carry on without her. This has caused the charity to lapse in mandatory reporting requirements to the national organization, as well as incurring debt in late charter fees. The only path forward I can see is to dissolve the charity and reformulate it by starting over. Unfortunately the oversight of doing so would fall to the board president. I'm not able to do this given I work full-time and honestly don't have all the information I'd need to satisfy the commitments made by the current CEO. So, my only recourse was to resign. Unfortunately, the CEO is refusing to accept my resignation and keeps acting like nothing has changed. I've made clear my position to the national organization staff, but they too want me to remain. Of course they do! They need someone to take the reins and to be accountable.

All in all, much of this can be easily resolved by saying NO!

And, by getting new interests where I receive as much as give.

Finally, I miss my mother who passed away in August 2018. I talked with Mom every day and would discuss all these things wither her. She'd share her wisdom and would provide support for which there is no replacement. It's in times like these that I miss her so very much. (tears coming...)

Helps some to write it all down.

The Value of Nice

When I was younger, I had an edge...

You know, other people didn't quite know if I was to be approached or not. I had the look of someone who had their act together and didn't care what anyone else thought.

Then I lost it.

I ran into two colleagues who decided to take me down.

And it got ugly.

So, I lost my persona and had to rebuild.

The rebuilding was an interesting process as I couldn't compile what I'd lost because my inner self had been injured. I needed to regain my confidence, but in a way that didn't invite the vicious attack I'd just experienced.

I think I concocted a new persona that was too nice.

My new self skirted the middle ground, championing the under dog and becoming a voice for those who needed help to be heard. Through hard work, I honed my professional credibility and rose to the rank of executive, which let me stand-up to injustices in the workplace -- winning me the admiration of the workforce. But, labeling me a non-player in the executive race to the top.

In looking back, this begs the question, "am I too nice?"

The reason for this reflection is based on a conversation I had with someone who said she's being told in various job interviews the candidate must be nice. How can you tell if someone is nice or not nice in a one hour job interview? I don't think its possible. And, I definitely doubt nice is a leadership attribute. I think it may be for a receptionist who deals with outsiders for a living. But, in my thinking the leaders must be brutal when needed, hard-charging to push organizational change, and passionate about their team members. Where does nice come to play?

I don't have the answer, but I do know one thing. Being nice isn't the same as being respectful, courteous, or even kind. These are leadership attributes I value.

Centering Myself

It is a beautiful winter day.

The sunshine is flooding my living room.

My husband is sleeping on the couch.

I'm bored.

It is a beautiful winter day.

The light is calling me to come outside.

I take the dog on a long walk.

I feel better.

It is a beautiful winter day.

My Love on Valentine's Day

I was eighteen when I met the love of my life.

Now I'm looking back through the tunnel of time and am amazed to see how quickly time has passed since the first time I saw him. Accounting for our time together, let's see...

• I'm still with the boy I fell in love with all those years ago - Score one for us!
• We still enjoy doing things together - Score another one for us!
• We share great pride in how well our children have turned out - Score again!
• We live a comfortable lifestyle without worries about safety or having enough money to pay our bills - Score!

My mother never like the boy I love. But he was good to her.

He is good to me.

At times, I wish to change things about him.

Haven't been able to do it yet in all these years.

Why in the world would I want to change him when he's been my perfect life-mate?

If he hadn't been, we'd be in a very different place.

Light bulb going off!

Going to give him a big hug now.

Spring is Coming, but Where are We Headed?

We are now in the part of the annual cycle that gets me really excited... the days are getting longer and I feel my energy growing too.

Starting every mid-February, the mornings are lighter and the evenings come later, and I am so happy. Yes, there are still cold days ahead. Yes, we could still get snow. But, Spring is definitely on its way.

I live in the mid-Atlantic region and we have, so far, been spared the worst wintry weather. It's been too mild and I know we will pay later with increased bugs. We may still lose buds on the trees and sprouting bulbs that are poking their way through the ground that never really froze this winter. But, the chances diminish with every day that passes.

But my excitement only goes so far.

I am fearful about humans surviving extreme weather changes that are bound to come. It confounds me that people are more greedy and lazy than willing to do what is necessary to stave-off eventual disaster. I guess people aren't as smart as we like to think we are.

I've seen articles stating we only have 10 years left before the really extreme events start... but aren't we seeing them already? So far in 2020, there have been 1,492 earthquakes of magnitude 6 or above. As of January 14th, the Australian bush fire has burnt an estimated 46 million acres -- that is 72,000 square miles -- and has destroyed nearly 6,000 buildings and has killed at least 34 people.

Every day I pray for someone to do something that wakes up the masses and gets us to seriously confront our possible demise.

Oh, Greta is trying and I love her for it.

Perhaps in the ultimate scheme of things, human beings aren't going to survive, but Earth does and paradise is restored.

Hmmm

Families are for Love (Unpublished from 2018, now sharing)

I recently lost my dear mother-in-law.

Her death is in itself devastating.  The chain of events that culminated in her death still confounds me. The loss of this loving person in my life is huge.

And, I realize this is normal.

What's not normal is the lasting rift in our family, which started several years ago and ultimately contributed to a selfish, impulsive decision that cost my mother-in-law her life.

One of the things in my life that I cherished was our family.  This is really my husband's family, but they became mine a long time ago, even before my marriage to their son.  My husband's parents took me into their hearts and encircled me with so much love, people frequently asked me if they were my parents.  Yes, they actually were.  They said so.  How lucky I've been to have two sets of parents.

Recent years haven't been easy for my in-laws, who were dealing with advanced age and associated issues, such as memory loss.  This is when the family needs to come together and help make decisions that would honor our parents' wishes and would be focused on making their lives easier and worth living.

Then the unthinkable happened.

The youngest child was given power over the parents' medical and financial decisions.  The reasoning that she lived closest to her parents and saw them most frequently certainly was true, but the fact that she had always lived an entitled life by taking advantage of her parents' generosity should have been considered. Sadly, critical decisions since have been made emotionally and impulsively with a deaf ear to any of our input.

The list of tragic results of poor decision-making keeps getting longer, as I said culminating with the decision to put my mother-in-law in hospice on a morphine drip to slow and stop her breathing... even though she wasn't dying.  And her burial was rushed to fit into schedules, no even allowing her husband of 72 years to attend (because he was hospitalized, and this couldn't wait to give him time to be there.)

Worse even than this is how after this horrendous event two months ago, it's like she never existed.  No talk of her.  No mourning. The attitude is "that's done and over with!" After a lifetime of taking care of the family and even raising the sister's own kids, not to feel anything is making my head explode.

I realize this is MY problem - that I'm inferring my feelings on to her.  But, I've never seen such hard-hearted behavior. My in-laws lived for the family, they imparted that on all of us.  Yet, our questions, suggestions, concerns and objections are seen as an affront to her power, as being non-differential to her position to make all decisions unilaterally.  That's part of the problem - she wasn't supposed to make these decisions alone.  It was to be a family matter. Alas, things haven't turned out that way.

I'm learning the hard way people will take power and do with it as they will.  It's been really ugly, compounded by the eldest sibling's earnest belief we must support her decisions because it's so hard on her, and she's going through so much. Together, they've essentially shutout my husband and my from the family.  To what end?  Because they seem to love power more than family.

So sad.

I'm Back!

I stopped writing this blog a couple years ago.

I've missed it and am restarting today...

Since 2017 (when I wrote my last post), the world seems to have gone crazy. I'm talking about how everything has gotten so politicized that friends aren't talking, families have split apart, and none of the old rules seem to apply anymore. I was never much interested in politics. To my surprise, I've become quite outspoken and willing to share my stance on a number of topics on social media. I think this filled my need to write, hence my absence on kissimple.

A heavy toll befell me in 2018 when I lost my mother, aunt and both in-laws, all in succession. Through this experience I learned just how tired a person can become. The incredible sadness coupled with endless things that had to be done and so many deadlines, along physically running to hospitals, nursing homes, hospice facilities, and then closing up multiple households. It was such a brutal challenge to bear. I'm horrified I didn't memorialize here what I was feeling. Perhaps its just as well as my need for healing was great and being quiet was my best medicine.

You can never appreciate something like this until it happens to you. We all try to understand and commiserate with others when they experience death or other great loss, but the real strain can't be expressed in words. You must feel it.

I'm now on the "other side" of this experience. What helped was throwing myself into political discussions on social media and becoming part of a group that is supportive of my feelings and lets me know I'm not really crazy.

For all the negativity today concerning politics and social media, it is good being connected and not being alone. Recently my social media group has started to talk about leaving the platform because of all the trolling and ugliness. Uniformly we all affirmed we can't leave unless we all go and find a better substitute... I guess we're now family. This feels good!