My mother passed away in 2018. So did both of my in-laws who were like a second set of parents to me. I also lost my dear aunt, my father's sister who kept him alive after his death.
Now it's 2023 and the weight of all that loss is heavy upon me.
I think this is coming about because I'm finally aware what this means for me. I'm now in the outer band where the senior members of the family orbit. This outer band is where things move more slowly -- it takes longer to complete a full rotation, after all. That is how this new reality seems to me.
And while a full rotation takes longer, the number of trips you have left are fewer... as if the energy it takes to continue is greater, so your battery drains faster. Or, it could be we're recharging mechanisms and spinning faster toward the center keeps you fully charged.
The vacuum left by my elders passing has sucked me up to the outer band and I'm trying to figure out the impacts.
Of course, the most immediate change is there's nobody to ask questions about family history. At least once each week I need some tidbit of information and only my mother would know the answer. I mentioned this to my remaining aunt, her sister, who said that happens to her also all the time. I don't know if we should have asked more questions while Mom was with us or if Mom kept all this info to herself to make her more valuable to us. Either way, we're having to go without knowing the answers.
Another annoyance I've uncovered is it turns out my mother-in-law was the glue that held the family together -- immediate and extended. Now that she's no longer filling this need, I am at a loss to know what is happening with other family members. My two sisters-in-law were never much interested in the family matters and aren't stepping up. So if I want to know, I need to make it my business to keep in touch. Same goes for my own distant relatives. So, my Christmas card list has tripled as I try to maintain a connection with my mothers cousins and their children.
The most troublesome part of rising into the outer band is how it affects you bodily. It must be the atmosphere up there that causes joints to start aching and backs to get stooped, because none of that was noticed while enjoying life closer to the center.
Alas, it's time to acknowledge and try to embrace life as a senior player on the team. That will be my journey into the next calendar and chronological new year.
