The holidays are coming, the holidays are coming... fast!
I feel the need to start preparing even though it's still October. I hate the holiday rush, so that's why I need to start early.
I'd hoped to celebrate these holidays in a new place, in a new house and start making new memories. It didn't happen... but there was positive forward movement, so that's a plus and a type of win.
Maybe I can introduce some new things into our family traditions to keep this momentum going...
What could that be I wonder... After all, it's the excitement of doing something new that I need right now.
In thinking about this further, I see there are guardrails set in which I must proceed.
Frist, we will need to celebrate in our house. This is the home where our children grew up. This is truly not all that important to me, but it is to my spouse. So I must respect this requirement.
(Side note: My husband has a Christmas tradition of deep cleaning the entire house in preparation for the holidays. He says he likes to start the new church and calendar years with a clean home. I know this is aweful sounding, but I hate when he disrupts everything for weeks to get this done. When he finishes around December 20, it's a huge rush on me to decorate, wrap gifts, bake cookies, etc. because I can't do these things while he has moved everything around and has dragged cleaning gear up from the basement -- I'm talking mops, pails, bottles and sprayers, towels and rags... you get the picture. Oh, and not only does he move every piece of furniture to treat our hardwood floors, I have to help with all this rearranging because it's not a one person job. Argh! Why can't we just go away and enjoy being together!! Okay, I'm done whining... I think.)
We had a nice tradition of having our parents all together on Christmas Eve, when we prepared a feast of things we normally wouldn't eat. We had many years together doing this and it was exciting to dream up and plan those meals. Four years ago, we lost all the grandparents and our uncle. So, we started a new tradition built upon our ethic background -- meatless Christmas Eve meals. So this too will be a requirement. But one where I've had less engagement in planning as it's become the thing my husband and daughter enjoy preparing.
A family tradition from my side of the family is making my Grandmother's German Christmas cookies using her recipes from the old country. These are not simple to make, and each recipe takes two days to complete. I work hard on these cookies and mail them to my out-of-state brother and aunt, who appreciate having a reminder of Grandma during the holidays. However, when I state I need time to make these cookies (instead of moving furniture around from room to room), I'm told to not bother making the cookies because nobody likes them anyway! Well, I like them a lot and I get pleasure from sharing them with far-away relatives, so it seems I'm putting pressure on myself - or so I'm told.
Another family tradition is to not open gifts until Christmas morning. Even though my children are grown now, no gifts are placed beneath the tree as they retire on Christmas Eve to bed. But, like a miracle all the gifts have appeared under the tree when everyone wakes up the next morning. To be honest, this tradition started to wan last year as my "kids" stated it wasn't necessary to wait until they'd gone to bed to bring out the presents. So, scratch off that requirement.
Stockings, another family tradition and yes, hung over the fireplace stuffed with candies and fun little gifts. Again, last year, I was told it wasn't necessary to do stockings anymore. What? I always have so much fun finding those trinkets and watching them played with before we dove into the gift pile beneath the tree. Oh well, there goes another requirement.
As I write this (so cathartic) I realize now why I feel the joy has left in my Christmas prep... I've lost the things I enjoyed doing for my family that I equate with preparing for the holidays.
What to do?
Clearly I need to adjust my expectations based on realizing I was doing all these things for me, not for them. I can chose to continue and just don't expect to get different results. I can make peace with the fact that I'm doing this for myself if I choose to continue.
Well, since it hasn't been working, I need to change my expectations since that's all I can control.
I haven't yet figured out what form this will take... maybe the simplest thing is to just go along with what the rest of the family thinks is great and enjoy it!
(Sorry for the whine, but this was helpful self-exploration... nobody reads this stuff anyway!)
