Christmas

Christmas seems to have come back faster than ever.  But, this year is different, here are some of the ways this is so.

• Positive - Our family traditions are still important to my children, who are now 21 and 23.  They expect that we will do these things and made sure they were around to participate!  Thanks, kids!  You really made this holiday for me and Dad!  (Traditions list includes Family Reunion Christmas Party, Tree Decorating, Making Christmas Kielbasa.)
• Positive - First time in many years we decorated the house (outside and in) by early December instead of only days before Christmas!  As a result, I've enjoyed our home adorned in festive ornamentation.  It's helped me find the holiday spirit that often alludes me when I am stressing over getting ready!
• Positive - My purchases were made with little consternation, wrapped and sorted, and out of the way enabling me to enjoy Advent without flurrying here and there.
• Positive - Cookies and other sweet treats were baked by us and by my daughter's friends, shared at a Cookie Exchange brunch at our house a week ago.  And, wondrously, we didn't eat them up, so we have plenty to serve on Christmas Eve and take to in-laws on Christmas Day.
• Positive -  My late brother-in-law always brought his parents down for Christmas Eve dinner at our house.  My wonderful son and daughter offered to go an hour each way to get their Grandfather and two Grandmothers so the dinner could continue this year!
• Positive - My own brother, who lives in VT came for a visit and he looked great!  He brought his son along and its been years since we've had the chance to talk in person.  What fun it was!
• Positive - Christmas Party at work, several!  In my youth, when things were less rigid in the office setting, holiday parties were great!  Over the years, focus on political correctness and too many work priorities dampened and almost killed the office Christmas party -- at least in the government setting.  This year's parties were tame compared to some in the past (one early employer rented a hall, hired a band, and catered the event, complete with open bar), but it was especially touching to see how my current employer took time to let us know our dedication and efforts were appreciated over a fine lunch!  It was also fun to join in for the office pot luck and white elephant gift exchange!
• Negative - We lost my brother-in-law, Bruce, in October.  His absence looms over this holiday season and it's just something we must get through.  This is very hard on his elderly parents.  Boo!
• Negative - Our parents are getting older and aren't able to do the things they also did.  So, this year we're still going to their house but a nephew is cooking (since it's too much for our parents to do.)  A sister went over early to clean the house, and instead of their big Christmas tree, they are using a small decorative tree (which is festive without the burden of setup.)

So, the positives outweigh the negatives!  Yes, I'm ready for Christmas and am so happy it's here!  Last year, I was exhausted and working much too hard, so Christmas was just another thing that demanded attention.  I'm so happy that is my past and my present is relaxed and ready - good thing too.  Tomorrow is Christmas Eve!

Merry Christmas!

Here it comes...

Are you ready for Christmas?

For the first time in many years . . . we are ahead of the regular Smoter schedule.

Yes, our exterior decorating is way ahead of our normal schedule.  Thanks for abnormally warm weather, we did some new things that look very festive.  Yea!

Yes, I have the Christmas cards addressed, loaded in the envelops and the holiday newsletter is written and ready to go to print.  I even bought the stamps!  I feel if they get in the mail by Saturday, we'll be good. (Last year I did't make it, so everyone got a New Year's letter instead.  But, last year I was about to retire and finishing up a major IT program that would launch in January, so I had an excuse.)

Inside still looks like Thanksgiving, but we've set aside Sunday to make the switch. All good, especially considering our normal decorating takes place around December 22!  That's by choice because we truly believe Christmas starts on December 25, so we celebrate Christmas until January 6th, the Fest of the Three Kings.  This year we will get to enjoy our festive home for more than a couple weeks. Yea, again!

Gifts!  Bought, all but one - none wrapped.  I usually have this all done by Veteran's Day.  But, this year I didn't have the federal fall holidays off, so my routine was disrupted. Not a big deal, still plenty of time!

Cookies - made one batch, which are now all eaten!  Lebkuchen are cooling in the fridge to be rolled out and baked tomorrow - how many days can the dough sit in the fridge?  We're pushing the limit I think.  Just learned my brother and nephew are coming to visit next week, they love these old fashioned German Christmas cookies, so I'd better get them made!

We went to our annual family Christmas party last Sunday, which is always special. Sadly, my husband's brother passed away in October and he was our Santa.  An elderly aunt also left us this past year.  A new baby is expected, in 2013 and last year's infants were now walking!  There's a new engagement too!  For all the good and bad that happens in families, we are blessed to have this traditional gathering where we all embrace being a family as we head into the Christmas season.  I feel it's so important to keep these family ties, as they will allow us to weather any trouble and cherish each other as no outsider can do.  

I'm looking forward to Christmas this year more than ever.  It's been a year of many changes, and I'm looking forward to having a couple days with my family to enjoy together the bonds that make us Smoters!

Go Get What You Want

It's taken me a very long time to realize it's okay to make money, it's okay to have things, it's okay to enjoy material objects.

I was taught honesty and hard work would reap rewards.  That you were responsible for your actions and would be held accountable to a higher authority.  Your work will benefit the "common good."  This is the good old "Puritan work ethic!"

It pains me to realize and admit I am a slow learner.

These principles, though deeply ingrained in me and other apparently old thinkers, are no longer true in American society.  In fact, it feels like being a subscribers to these "golden rules" actually makes you a sucker!

Upon reflection, here are some lessons learned the hard way. . .

1.  I never got ahead through my honest hard work.  Others who worked hard at getting ahead left me behind to do their work!

2.  I didn't get rich through saving my money.  Savers get penalized for saving. Our credit-based economic infrastructure wants people to be in perpetual debt.  If you have money, you will be forced to pay more based on the premise that you can afford to do so.  For example, I qualified for less financial aid and higher interest rates on un-subsidized student loans because of my income and bank balance.  (A friend who chooses to play rather than save has a daughter the same age as my kids.  She has chosen to work a lower-level, lower-paying job because she "doesn't want to work hard."  Her husband works in food services and gets paid under the table.  On paper they look relatively poor.  But, her parents have subsidized them for years with free childcare, free food, free auto repairs, down payments for their house, and other things I had to pay myself by skimping and saving.  In the end, my two kids owe double on their Stafford loans having gotten 6.8% interest because I didn't qualify for the subsidized aid package.  Her child has $16,000 to pay off.  All three kids are now working their first jobs and making the same salary.  It is completely unfair that my children are strapped with double the debt.  The reality is my progeny are living at home while hers is already out in a townhouse.)

3.  The more I save the more I pay!  This is completely demoralizing and demotivating.  America rewards the wrong behaviors.  I feel like the Ant in the "Ant and Grasshopper" fable.  Except, in this country, the Grasshopper gets taken care of when winter comes using the life-long savings of the Ant.  Don't take me wrong - I am a socially-minded person who believes in helping the less fortunate.  But, using my friend as an example again, she spends all that she makes on trips, weekend partying, and buying stuff she wants.  I have conserved my spending, choosing to live below my means to put away for the future.  I believe she and I will end up exactly the same - except my savings will go to help her get there.  What lesson did she learn?  None.  She thinks she is entitled to live the high life!

4.  It is how you play the game!  Politics are all around us, not just on Capitol Hill.  It's the highly capable self-promoters, strategic manipulators, and talented Camileans who get noticed, not those who work hard and expect the fruits of those labors to propel them upward.  Bosses are flattered by others mirroring them.  People like to surround themselves with others who are similar.  Superiors want to impart power and authority to the people who understand what they want (opposed to those who tell them what is wrong with their plans!)

5.  Play hard!  I noticed that while I rarely took vacation, others seemed able to go off on multiple trips a year!  This was partially due to my responsible savings regiment, but I also thought it was important to let my team members take off and someone had to hold down the fort.  Turns out, there are few brownie points for holding down the fort.

I am usually an optimistic, strategic-thinking problem solver.  Why have I not seen this earlier and changed my behavior?

I come back to the early implanting of the "puritan ethic" into my very being.  It appears the Puritans are finally dead in America.  Good or Bad?  I don't know.  I only realize, now, that it has happened.  The "ME" generation actually won.  It's that Simple, Simple!

Hola!

I have so much for which to be thankful!  I just spent time in sunny Mexico's Rivera Maya, where I relaxed and pondered nothing!

Finally, I am realizing the importance of R&R!

Like most of the people I know, I worked really hard and long, rarely taking more than a one week beach vacation each year.  When I retired last January, I had 700 hours of unused annual leave.  Small wonder I was burned out.

The truly amazing thing is it doesn't take a lot of time or money to "get away."  There are so many great locations to regenerate within a few short hour's travel.  Living in the DC/Baltimore corridor, we have 3 great airports from which there are direct flights to almost anywhere.  Now, I'm finally getting smart and realizing what a great thing this is!

So, I guess I'm the ultimate slow learner when it comes to taking care of myself (plus my loved ones) in the R&R department.  Not any more!  I'm open to ideas from friends and other sources on great places and great deals.  I'm thinking I need to hone my Spanish and go next to Spain.  Yeah, that's the ticket!

Life is Short

Life is short - I've just been reminded, twice!

Two weeks ago my husband's younger brother, Bruce, died suddenly.  He was 56 years old.  We were not only in shock, but also completely unprepared for this life event.  The medical officials attributed death to a heart attack, but nothing was done to verify this was really the cause.  

Two weeks later, an old friend from high school, Chuck Richardson succumbed to ALS, an awful disease that he'd been fighting for a short while.  He was 57 years old.  I learned he was sick in May when he called and invited me to have dinner and catch-up.  He was reaching out to people who made good impacts on him, to talk while he could and to let them know how he felt about them.  I'm humbled to be included in that group of special people.

Benjamin Franklin said, "The only things certain in life are death and taxes." 

But, even if death is a certainty, how much can we really be prepared when it comes?

In my brother-in-law's case there was no warning, in fact he'd been working to improve his health and lifestyle over the summer.  Luckily, he left a will stating his wishes.  And, he was single without children.  But, this has been extremely hard on his elderly parents -- you never expect your child to go before you do!

Chuck did make time to touch base with those who were important to him.  He told me he'd come to peace with his illness and hoped his period of suffering would be short, which it turned out to be.  He also was single without children.  I mention this because early death is worse when children and dependents are involved.

I realize that I have nothing ready to help my family should I suddenly keel over.  While this fact is smacking me in the face, I've got to take care of my affairs.  Hopefully, I have plenty of time left on this Earth.  But, you never know.

Thanks to Bruce and Chuck for years of friendship and love.  You both are and will continue to be missed!  I intend to use your untimely deaths as a wake-up call and as the spark to ignite a fire under my butt and get my will and other important arrangements in order.  At least some good will have come from all this!

Consummate Professional

This week I received a great compliment from a coworker - she called me the "Consummate Professional."

Pondering this, I decided I needed to look up what this actually meant, not wanting to miss anything important.  I wasn't surprised by what I found out (using online searches), but it did get me thinking.

When I first started working at age 16 in a retail store, I was immediately taught by my manager that the customer came first.  We were not allowed to be idol, but were expected to always be looking to serve someone or otherwise be engaged in keeping the store presentable and fully stocked.  Under her tutor-ledge,   I learned what it took to be successful.  And, those first lessons are still alive and well within me.  (Thanks, Eddie!)

Throughout my professional career, I made sure I followed-through on commitments, engaged others with respect and always sought to help out where I could to ensure our team was successful.

Of course, not everyone had this excellent early training.  Frequently, I found myself going that "extra mile" to do something another person left undone.  Sometimes it was due to their inability or lack of training and experience and I was happy to help out, even taking time to show them how it was done.  And, there have been plenty of others who have helped me similarly along the way.

But, then there are the people who don't seem to care.  I am still dazed and confused by that attitude.  If you spend your precious time and energy at work, why not make the best of being there.  Even more confounding are those who work hard at doing nothing!  They spend many hours covering their tracks, blaming other people, and creating a negative atmosphere around themselves in hopes of deferring management confrontations.  Unfortunately, they usually get away with this behavior.

While a federal executive, I put time and energy into working with my unproductive employees to 1) try to understand their triggers and 2) attempt to influence them by showing them how their behavior created more work for their teammates.  No surprise -- they didn't care!  In the end, I concluded this is a learned behavior that over time becomes habit.  The key is to not let new employees begin down this road!  Prevention is the only answer I could find.

Many managers avoid confrontation and so do co-workers.  I've learned it is much less stressful to combat poor performance and negative attitudes when they first appear, than to deal with it later.  Also, newly hired staff is easier to deal with than are veteran workers who have seniority, perhaps union representation, and a well-built support structure of similarly-minded cohorts.

In my present situation, I have no direct reports, which is a blessing as much as a hindrance.  I depend upon myself to get things done.  I'm pleased that my coworkers see me as being supportive, dependable, and talented!

The working world would be a much better place if everyone aspired to be the consummate professional!  A working systems of rewards and penalties is the only means to that end.

Summer of 2012

I hate the end of Summer!

The weather is so beautiful, the crickets are singing their little hearts out, and the evening breezes make power walking so pleasant, but...

there's dread about the coming cold weather.

Perhaps if I watched football I'd be looking forward to the start of Fall, but I love Summertime!

So, in these last days of August, I'm writing to celebrate all the things I love about the summer months.

I love going outside and feeling warm.
I love not wearing long sleeves.
I love wearing sandals.
I love sitting on the patio on lazy summer nights.
I love lightening bugs.
I love picnics.
I love kayaking.
I love walking, especially evening power walks.
I love the beach.
I love sunset at 9:00 pm.
I love waking up to sunshine.
I love sundresses.
I love summer fresh vegetables.
I love summer flowers.
I love baseball.
I love going on vacation.
I love driving with the windows down.
I love eating crabs.
I love summer sleep-away camp.
I love long summer days and moving slowly.
I love outside concerts.

Feel free to add your own summer accolades - maybe if we make this list long enough, summer won't go away so quickly!  (I can dream!)

Unfinished Business

One thing I truly dislike is having unfinished business!

These left-over and/or unattended-to items are messing with my feng shui!  (You know, the ancient Chinese  art and science developed over 3,000 years ago, that's a complex body of knowledge that reveals how to balance the energies of any given space to assure the health and good fortune for people inhabiting it.)

Most people set resolutions at New Year's, but I'm doing it now!

I am going to get my life in order and bring this untidiness to an end!

First, I am making a list of the top-ranking offenders.

Then, I'm going to decide how to get them off my list, a targeted, specific action to finalize each one of these left-over buggers.

And, then I'll work my way through this list.

Fortunately, there aren't too many individual items on my list.  Some will take more time than others to eradicate, but I think I can get through them all in no more than 2 years!

2 years?

Yes, I believe that's realistic - In two cases, I will need to enlist cooperation and participation of another person, which I expect to take some time.  But, 2 years to have a clear slate seems like a bargain to me!

It's that Simple, Simple!

Farewell, Dear Dog

Last week, my dear dog Midnight went to doggie Heaven.  I'm not being silly, but it's really hard to say the vet gave him an intentional overdose to end his life.  Everyone loses a dear pet sometime in their life, and this is my second time I've lost a dog. Dogs are harder to lose than smaller pets.  Dogs truly become family members.  Midnight was a rescue dog who came to live with us in November 2000.  He was always regal and ever an alpha male.  I always felt safe with him around.

Midnight lived a good life once he became a part of our family.  We never knew about his circumstances leading up to his going to the pound and then being plucked by the amazing Mid-Atlantic Chinese Shar-Pei Rescue folks, where we found him thanks to their website.

It's always said people chose dogs that are like themselves.  It was so with Midnight.  My husband and Midnight were just alike.  Our kids always said, "if Dad was a dog, he'd be Midnight!"

It took me awhile to fall in love with Midnight.  I'd always been used to dogs with sleeker mussels and I didn't know how to deal with all that jowl!  Funny, that turned out to be Midnight's softest spot and I'd love to brush his big cheeks and tell him I loved him.

Another unique thing about Midnight (could be all Shar-Pei for all I know), he told me he loved me by grunting!  I'd hold his face and kiss him, and he'd grunt.  I'd give him a hug and he'd grunt.  I called him my piggie!

One thing I always scolded him about was how he would shake off my kisses!  Oh yes, he would!  Right after I kissed him -- and he'd tolerate the affection, grunting back at me -- he'd shake it off!

Midnight was a great protector!  Several times my son's friends would get rambunctious and appear to be threatening my son, and without a sound, that dog would appear and take hold of the offender, never breaking skin, but holding firm until the threat abated.  No bark, no noise, just pure action!  Wow!  I always felt completely safe having Midnight around the house.

In the end, which came quickly, Midnight slowed down and last Monday had difficulty walking.  We took him to the vet on Tuesday and learned he had an abdominal tumor that was bleeding.  There was nothing to be done.  I'm glad he didn't truly suffer.

It's hard to say goodbye to a family member like Midnight.  This past week has been very hard getting used to him not waiting at the door when I came home and now he's not sitting at my feet as I work on the computer.  Tonight, I took my first walk alone.

It's not good. but just our new reality to get used to...

God bless you, Midnight and thank you for everything!

Midnight
Born - Unknown
Died - June 5, 2012

I Love My Dad

Today is my father's 81st birthday. My father passed away when he was 64. Every April 30th I celebrate my father's life and I'm sharing this celebration here today.

My Dad was not your average bear, he was bigger than life!

Dad grew up very poor in Brooklyn's slums and as soon as he could he joined the Navy to see the world. His aptitude for math and typing skills landed him in Washington DC working at the Navy Yard. He then met my mother.

Dad was happy being a family man, but he carried his travel bug around inside him. When my parents separated -- a blessing that took several years for Dad to realize -- he was free to pursue his dreams. He became a travel agent and booked trips for his wealth friends, all of which earned him cruises on some of the finest ships of the time. Dad was in Heaven! It made me so happy to see him so happy!

Dad inherited genes for heart disease from his father, and he suffered his first major heart attack at age 36. At that time, the doctors gave him 10 years to live. Well, he lived 26 more and took to sometime extreme measures to make sure he was having a good time. Sometimes it worked out and sometimes it didn't. But, one thing was certain, Dad lived the second half of his life as he wanted.

In the last years of his life, Dad had grandchildren on whom he doated. I wish he was able to see how my 2 children favor him and are doing all the things Dad loved to do - fish, play golf, drive fast cars, and cook for friends!

I always say the world is much quieter without my father present - this is so true. Dad was not everyone's cup of tea, but they couldn't ignore him!

I love my Dad and cherish the relationship I had with him. Dad was the only person who loved me unconditionally. No matter what, he was always there for me, unjudging and loving. It's hard to write this part because I feel his loss so intently, even though it's been 16 years since he passed.

May God bless my father and keep him always, and grant him eternal peace. I think peace is what Dad wanted most and found it by living an unorthodox life.

Self Improvement

Guess it's that time of the year - time to get fit!

Did pretty well last summer - tightened up and lost inches and pounds, but it's nearly all crept back. Argh.

Motivation has been slow to mount, but I realize I have a couple big social events approaching and a summer wardrobe I'd like to wear, so here I go... worked out tonight! Number 1 is now behind me - yea!

I really should focus on how a healthy lifestyle will prolong my life. Now that I'm in my fifties, there's not a lot of extra time left to waste!

Anyway - I'm commiting to writing this down (if not for any other reason than to shame myself into staying the course!)

Wish me luck!

The Day Earth Got Quieter

This is the sixteenth anniversary of my father's death. Time has closed the open wound his unexpected passing created, but the gap in my life will never be filled. Dad was the one person who loved me unconditionally - okay, so did my dog, Happy, who only thought he was a person.

Every year on this date, I call my father's sister and we reminese about Dad and all the funny stuff he used to do, and then we'd talk about all the crazy things he did, and we'd laugh and cry. But, this year, my Aunt is suffering from demenia and doesn't remember what day it is today.

So, now I'm alone in remembering -- alone in spirit because I'm the only person who is mourning today for my Dad. On this date in 1996, a bright, loud and sparkling energy was distinguished and Earth grew a bit quieter. Tonight, I have nobody to talk with about Dad and I realize, Earth is quieter yet.

Is it our ultimate fate to have these connections erode over time until our names are never again mentioned?

Truthfully, this is why I drive to do something remarkable -- so I have something lasting to leave behind and my memory will last beyond the people who know me best.

RIP, Dad! Perhaps one's eternal peace comes when your name becomes unknown and forgotten. Sorry, Dad - -that's not happening, yet!

Gridlock and Ignorance - A Great Combo

I drive nearly 100 miles each day to my new job.

I'm not complaining because I knew this when I accepted the position. BUT...

I forgot there would be gridlock and ignorant drivers to contend with each and every day that I make this commute. Traffic is a bitch, we all know that. Traffic and ignorant idiots is unbearable.

So, what makes me so superior you are probably thinking.

I have one explanation - I make every effort to be courteous on and off the road! It's the lack of courtesy that creates gridlock and makes everyone crazy. I'm sorry, but nobody is better than another and you have no right to ride up the merge lane to the very end, forcing traffic to slam to a halt to let you in! This selfish behavior creates a wave of break-melting bunny hops behind you as you unconsciously veer into yet another lane with no blinker!

Yes, our roads are beyond planned capacity. But, a good dose of courtesy and consideration would go a long way to keep things moving - not to mention making the roads a lot safer!

I've been accused of being an aggressive driver for years, so this is not the rank of a timid driver. Why must you swerve into my lane when I leave a comfortable car length or two open in front of me? Why must you drive in a lane you know divides and is headed in the wrong direction, only to ram your car into the other lane at the last possible moment? Why must you stop in the middle of the through lane when your exit is at hand, forcing other motorists to stop to let you in?

Oh, these aggressive and selfish drivers aren't the only ones clogging up the roadways... NO! There are also the "safe drivers" out there. You know them. They drive exactly the speed limit or under, leaving 10 car lengths open so the aggressive idiots weave in and out, forcing the "safe driver" to hit the breaks a couple thousand times. I still haven't figured out why two "safe drivers" always end up next to each other on the Beltway, blocking all other drivers from passing their unofficial barricade and bringing traffic to a sluggish 45 miles per hour, if moving at all.

Oh the joys of driving 50 miles each way on the highways in the Nation's Capital area. DC has been documented as having the worse drivers in the country. I know this is a fact! Simple staggered merges, consistent traveling speeds, and the use of blinkers are unheard of around here! Too bad - these three simple things would make a huge improvement and would make us all a lot safer on the major thoroughfares.

It's really very simple, Simple!

My New Freedom!

I am one of the last to join the mobile revolution, but now I'm in!

It's very strange to be a laggert, because when it comes to technology, I'm usually one of the explorers, rarely a settler.

It is really wonderful to be a mobile person - of course, I'm one of the last to find this out apparently! And, I've found an unexpected benefit of owning a smart-phone... I've gained a lot of free time!

Before I owned my new iPhone, I used a government-issued Blackberry. No slur to that fine device. But, the service was very restricted due to the nature of the work and the need for heavy-duty security.

Now, I'm free! I'm keeping up with what's going on in the world all day long as it is actually happening. And, I don't spend hours each night catching up!

But, now I have to find other things to occupy my time -- such as talking with my significant other, reading, doing stuff around the house that I ignored before, volunteering (which I was already doing, but not with as much rigor!), etc.

My revelation is not because Apple did such a fine job with the iPhone... It's because I've shed the restraints of my former job.

Life just got more simple - It's good to join the real world!

(Postscript: Although I could have owned a personal phone, I chose not to. So it's unfair of me to blame my federal employment for my own decision to not carry two phones. The point of this post is to exclaim how it's changed my life! Change is good!)

Positive Attitude: 6 Ways to Become More Optimistic | Inc.com

Positive Attitude: 6 Ways to Become More Optimistic | Inc.com

Goodbye, Uncle Sam

I just retired from federal service!

32 years of serving the American public. I've had some really terrific experiences and left behind some great work. Also, some profound disappointments.

In the midst of all the hoopla about good government, I finally felt it was time to go. I have always given my full effort and worked long and hard to make American strong. But, I just don't have it in me to keep going without resources and reward.

I believe the federal government has not done a good job preparing for the time when experienced senior workers leave. As an executive leader, I left my division in excellent hands as I retired, but this is not the norm. Problem.

The government has not done a good job keeping its eye on the ball. Instead, each new political party changes priorities when it takes office. Priorities are ever changing, and people don't build expertise in any given area. Problem.

Federal employees have been subjected to "do more with less" philosophies for the past 30 years. The ultimate result is senior workers are heavily relied upon and younger employees do not have necessary skills. The federal reward system petpetuates specialization, so knowledge, skills are not widely shared. Problem.

Public opinion has once again become negative toward federal workers. Problem.

So, the problems outweighed the benefits and rewards (no pay raises for years now, and another 2 years ahead). Time to go...