Another One Leaves the Nest

My daughter has been accepted into graduate school - in Chicago!

My husband, daughter and I visited the Windy City two weeks ago and it was windy!

Seriously, it was windy and cold and beautiful!

Recently, there has been a great deal of reported news about Chicago being the murder capital of the U.S.  I say, "So what!"  The District of Columbia and Baltimore have both had this honor bestowed upon them and I lived through these periods without incident.  None-the-less, our visit has made us more comfortable about our youngest going so far away from home for the next 5 years, and maybe she won't be coming back to live close to us once she graduates and starts her professional life.

If that's the case, then I think Chicago would be a delightful place to put down roots.  We once had neighborhood friends who moved to Chicago and reported they were having a fantastic life there.  My impression was one could have a really good time there!

As for the baby leaving the nest, well she did it before when she took off for under-graduate studies and we learned to live without her being around.  We also survived her post-graduation return too!  I see this as giving me a reason to go back to Chicago!  (I do wish it was a bit closer so we could drive instead of fly, but with the prices of parking in the city, perhaps not!)

You Never Know

Yesterday, I learned that someone who once worked for me died of cancer after a short 4 weeks from when she was diagnosed.  Today, news of another passing came on Facebook. 

My former employee will be remembered as a vivant and bubbly woman who took great pride in putting together an outward presentation that just sparkled, literally she sparkled.  Liz was almost bigger than life -- you could not miss her!  Truthfully, at times it was difficult to tolerate her over-the-top enthusiasm in large doses.  Sadly, a botched breast reduction catapulted Liz into a severe depression, one she never survived.  Her depression disabled her so severely she could not leave her house.  I suppose she simply did not have the will to live and succumbed to the ultimate illness, the Big C.

Cancer was also the cause of death in the second case.  I never met Barb, the wife of a friend of my cousin.  Sick for the past year, but surviving beyond the 2-3 month prognosis with an approaching January 17th birthday, my cousin organized on Facebook a campaign to have hundreds of birthday cards from around the world arrive to brighten Barb's last birthday.  The campaign was a huge success and Barb was overwhelmed to receive all these well wishes.  Barb sent via Facebook a beautiful thank you note saying how happiness is the best medicine.

Both of these stories have touched me because they are sad, because they happened to once vital women who dealt with their situations in a completely opposite manner.  It's easy to sit here and say I would make the best of my situation no matter what... but, really, you don't know.  I hope to never find out!

I'm SAD

It's so hard to get moving when it's COLD and DARK outside.

I'm not motivated to exercise, eat right or do anything that requires me to move.  As I sit in front of my computer longer during these long DARK winter evenings, I can feel my BUTT getting bigger and my weight climbing.  Tonight, I had to buy more "fat clothes!"

Digging down deep and coming up empty and discouraged because I spent the last two weeks using the GNC 7 Day Fast Loss Kit and while I lost some water weight, that's all I lost.

Spent time tonight on Pinterest trying to self-motivate.  It's gotta come from within - I know that!  It's just... JANUARY!  There's nothing exciting ahead until SPRING, and I bet the groundhog will see his shadow and extend this agony for another 6 weeks.

I know I have seasonal adjustment disorder (SAD - isn't that a nice acronym) and it seems to get harder each year to not just turn into a sallow-faced, bloated beast hanging out by the windows trying to soak up precious sunshine to just stay SANE.

It's not really that bad, but there is still February to LIVE through.

My one thread of HOPE is each day gets longer!

I see it happening and it's WONDERFUL.

2013 - Another New Year's Eve Crash (vs. Bash)

I'm not a fan of New Year's!

I admit it's partially sour grapes because we never go out on New Year's Eve and the same old is getting really old.  But, I also tend to get melancholic as I think about how many years have passed since...

...my youth - 2013 marks 40 years since I graduated from high school!  But, I only feel like I'm 45, so how can this be?

...my family was all together - I'm talking about grandparents, aunts and uncles who have passed on.  I never forget them and really feel their absence this time of the year.

...my Dad and I talked - the last time was hours before he passed away.  I still have the sound of those words locked away in my memory so I can recall it when I need to hear his voice again.

...my first New Year's Eve party when I was 15!  It was magical, and as we walked home it was snowing!  I felt so grown up that night!

...my best girlfriends and I were inseparable!  We keep in touch, but with long stretches between calls and the much too seldom visits.

...my love for my husband burned so hot it was unbearable to be apart.  We've entered that comfortable stage when sparks fly, but it takes more work.

...my children were small and we all celebrated New Year's Eve together!  Now, being in their early 20's, spending this special night with their parents is unthinkable, and I understand as I still remember what it was like to be their age.

I don't like being melancholic, but it's unavoidable because these things once meant so much to me, and they are past and not to be re-lived.  You don't realize when you are living your life how time will pass and things will change.  

I'm not afraid of the future, so the thought of a new year approaching isn't a negative.  In fact, I'd just like to keep going around the calendar without making such a big deal.

Probably, there are two ways to avoid going through this next December 31st.  Go to a party and be distracted, or go to bed early!

I never go to bed early!

Christmas

Christmas seems to have come back faster than ever.  But, this year is different, here are some of the ways this is so.

• Positive - Our family traditions are still important to my children, who are now 21 and 23.  They expect that we will do these things and made sure they were around to participate!  Thanks, kids!  You really made this holiday for me and Dad!  (Traditions list includes Family Reunion Christmas Party, Tree Decorating, Making Christmas Kielbasa.)
• Positive - First time in many years we decorated the house (outside and in) by early December instead of only days before Christmas!  As a result, I've enjoyed our home adorned in festive ornamentation.  It's helped me find the holiday spirit that often alludes me when I am stressing over getting ready!
• Positive - My purchases were made with little consternation, wrapped and sorted, and out of the way enabling me to enjoy Advent without flurrying here and there.
• Positive - Cookies and other sweet treats were baked by us and by my daughter's friends, shared at a Cookie Exchange brunch at our house a week ago.  And, wondrously, we didn't eat them up, so we have plenty to serve on Christmas Eve and take to in-laws on Christmas Day.
• Positive -  My late brother-in-law always brought his parents down for Christmas Eve dinner at our house.  My wonderful son and daughter offered to go an hour each way to get their Grandfather and two Grandmothers so the dinner could continue this year!
• Positive - My own brother, who lives in VT came for a visit and he looked great!  He brought his son along and its been years since we've had the chance to talk in person.  What fun it was!
• Positive - Christmas Party at work, several!  In my youth, when things were less rigid in the office setting, holiday parties were great!  Over the years, focus on political correctness and too many work priorities dampened and almost killed the office Christmas party -- at least in the government setting.  This year's parties were tame compared to some in the past (one early employer rented a hall, hired a band, and catered the event, complete with open bar), but it was especially touching to see how my current employer took time to let us know our dedication and efforts were appreciated over a fine lunch!  It was also fun to join in for the office pot luck and white elephant gift exchange!
• Negative - We lost my brother-in-law, Bruce, in October.  His absence looms over this holiday season and it's just something we must get through.  This is very hard on his elderly parents.  Boo!
• Negative - Our parents are getting older and aren't able to do the things they also did.  So, this year we're still going to their house but a nephew is cooking (since it's too much for our parents to do.)  A sister went over early to clean the house, and instead of their big Christmas tree, they are using a small decorative tree (which is festive without the burden of setup.)

So, the positives outweigh the negatives!  Yes, I'm ready for Christmas and am so happy it's here!  Last year, I was exhausted and working much too hard, so Christmas was just another thing that demanded attention.  I'm so happy that is my past and my present is relaxed and ready - good thing too.  Tomorrow is Christmas Eve!

Merry Christmas!

Here it comes...

Are you ready for Christmas?

For the first time in many years . . . we are ahead of the regular Smoter schedule.

Yes, our exterior decorating is way ahead of our normal schedule.  Thanks for abnormally warm weather, we did some new things that look very festive.  Yea!

Yes, I have the Christmas cards addressed, loaded in the envelops and the holiday newsletter is written and ready to go to print.  I even bought the stamps!  I feel if they get in the mail by Saturday, we'll be good. (Last year I did't make it, so everyone got a New Year's letter instead.  But, last year I was about to retire and finishing up a major IT program that would launch in January, so I had an excuse.)

Inside still looks like Thanksgiving, but we've set aside Sunday to make the switch. All good, especially considering our normal decorating takes place around December 22!  That's by choice because we truly believe Christmas starts on December 25, so we celebrate Christmas until January 6th, the Fest of the Three Kings.  This year we will get to enjoy our festive home for more than a couple weeks. Yea, again!

Gifts!  Bought, all but one - none wrapped.  I usually have this all done by Veteran's Day.  But, this year I didn't have the federal fall holidays off, so my routine was disrupted. Not a big deal, still plenty of time!

Cookies - made one batch, which are now all eaten!  Lebkuchen are cooling in the fridge to be rolled out and baked tomorrow - how many days can the dough sit in the fridge?  We're pushing the limit I think.  Just learned my brother and nephew are coming to visit next week, they love these old fashioned German Christmas cookies, so I'd better get them made!

We went to our annual family Christmas party last Sunday, which is always special. Sadly, my husband's brother passed away in October and he was our Santa.  An elderly aunt also left us this past year.  A new baby is expected, in 2013 and last year's infants were now walking!  There's a new engagement too!  For all the good and bad that happens in families, we are blessed to have this traditional gathering where we all embrace being a family as we head into the Christmas season.  I feel it's so important to keep these family ties, as they will allow us to weather any trouble and cherish each other as no outsider can do.  

I'm looking forward to Christmas this year more than ever.  It's been a year of many changes, and I'm looking forward to having a couple days with my family to enjoy together the bonds that make us Smoters!

Go Get What You Want

It's taken me a very long time to realize it's okay to make money, it's okay to have things, it's okay to enjoy material objects.

I was taught honesty and hard work would reap rewards.  That you were responsible for your actions and would be held accountable to a higher authority.  Your work will benefit the "common good."  This is the good old "Puritan work ethic!"

It pains me to realize and admit I am a slow learner.

These principles, though deeply ingrained in me and other apparently old thinkers, are no longer true in American society.  In fact, it feels like being a subscribers to these "golden rules" actually makes you a sucker!

Upon reflection, here are some lessons learned the hard way. . .

1.  I never got ahead through my honest hard work.  Others who worked hard at getting ahead left me behind to do their work!

2.  I didn't get rich through saving my money.  Savers get penalized for saving. Our credit-based economic infrastructure wants people to be in perpetual debt.  If you have money, you will be forced to pay more based on the premise that you can afford to do so.  For example, I qualified for less financial aid and higher interest rates on un-subsidized student loans because of my income and bank balance.  (A friend who chooses to play rather than save has a daughter the same age as my kids.  She has chosen to work a lower-level, lower-paying job because she "doesn't want to work hard."  Her husband works in food services and gets paid under the table.  On paper they look relatively poor.  But, her parents have subsidized them for years with free childcare, free food, free auto repairs, down payments for their house, and other things I had to pay myself by skimping and saving.  In the end, my two kids owe double on their Stafford loans having gotten 6.8% interest because I didn't qualify for the subsidized aid package.  Her child has $16,000 to pay off.  All three kids are now working their first jobs and making the same salary.  It is completely unfair that my children are strapped with double the debt.  The reality is my progeny are living at home while hers is already out in a townhouse.)

3.  The more I save the more I pay!  This is completely demoralizing and demotivating.  America rewards the wrong behaviors.  I feel like the Ant in the "Ant and Grasshopper" fable.  Except, in this country, the Grasshopper gets taken care of when winter comes using the life-long savings of the Ant.  Don't take me wrong - I am a socially-minded person who believes in helping the less fortunate.  But, using my friend as an example again, she spends all that she makes on trips, weekend partying, and buying stuff she wants.  I have conserved my spending, choosing to live below my means to put away for the future.  I believe she and I will end up exactly the same - except my savings will go to help her get there.  What lesson did she learn?  None.  She thinks she is entitled to live the high life!

4.  It is how you play the game!  Politics are all around us, not just on Capitol Hill.  It's the highly capable self-promoters, strategic manipulators, and talented Camileans who get noticed, not those who work hard and expect the fruits of those labors to propel them upward.  Bosses are flattered by others mirroring them.  People like to surround themselves with others who are similar.  Superiors want to impart power and authority to the people who understand what they want (opposed to those who tell them what is wrong with their plans!)

5.  Play hard!  I noticed that while I rarely took vacation, others seemed able to go off on multiple trips a year!  This was partially due to my responsible savings regiment, but I also thought it was important to let my team members take off and someone had to hold down the fort.  Turns out, there are few brownie points for holding down the fort.

I am usually an optimistic, strategic-thinking problem solver.  Why have I not seen this earlier and changed my behavior?

I come back to the early implanting of the "puritan ethic" into my very being.  It appears the Puritans are finally dead in America.  Good or Bad?  I don't know.  I only realize, now, that it has happened.  The "ME" generation actually won.  It's that Simple, Simple!