Sunday, January 27, 2013

You Never Know

Yesterday, I learned that someone who once worked for me died of cancer after a short 4 weeks from when she was diagnosed.  Today, news of another passing came on Facebook. 

My former employee will be remembered as a vivant and bubbly woman who took great pride in putting together an outward presentation that just sparkled, literally she sparkled.  Liz was almost bigger than life -- you could not miss her!  Truthfully, at times it was difficult to tolerate her over-the-top enthusiasm in large doses.  Sadly, a botched breast reduction catapulted Liz into a severe depression, one she never survived.  Her depression disabled her so severely she could not leave her house.  I suppose she simply did not have the will to live and succumbed to the ultimate illness, the Big C.

Cancer was also the cause of death in the second case.  I never met Barb, the wife of a friend of my cousin.  Sick for the past year, but surviving beyond the 2-3 month prognosis with an approaching January 17th birthday, my cousin organized on Facebook a campaign to have hundreds of birthday cards from around the world arrive to brighten Barb's last birthday.  The campaign was a huge success and Barb was overwhelmed to receive all these well wishes.  Barb sent via Facebook a beautiful thank you note saying how happiness is the best medicine.

Both of these stories have touched me because they are sad, because they happened to once vital women who dealt with their situations in a completely opposite manner.  It's easy to sit here and say I would make the best of my situation no matter what... but, really, you don't know.  I hope to never find out!

Saturday, January 19, 2013

I'm SAD

It's so hard to get moving when it's COLD and DARK outside.

I'm not motivated to exercise, eat right or do anything that requires me to move.  As I sit in front of my computer longer during these long DARK winter evenings, I can feel my BUTT getting bigger and my weight climbing.  Tonight, I had to buy more "fat clothes!"

Digging down deep and coming up empty and discouraged because I spent the last two weeks using the GNC 7 Day Fast Loss Kit and while I lost some water weight, that's all I lost.

Spent time tonight on Pinterest trying to self-motivate.  It's gotta come from within - I know that!  It's just... JANUARY!  There's nothing exciting ahead until SPRING, and I bet the groundhog will see his shadow and extend this agony for another 6 weeks.

I know I have seasonal adjustment disorder (SAD - isn't that a nice acronym) and it seems to get harder each year to not just turn into a sallow-faced, bloated beast hanging out by the windows trying to soak up precious sunshine to just stay SANE.

It's not really that bad, but there is still February to LIVE through.

My one thread of HOPE is each day gets longer!

I see it happening and it's WONDERFUL.




Tuesday, January 1, 2013

2013 - Another New Year's Eve Crash (vs. Bash)

I'm not a fan of New Year's!

I admit it's partially sour grapes because we never go out on New Year's Eve and the same old is getting really old.  But, I also tend to get melancholic as I think about how many years have passed since...

...my youth - 2013 marks 40 years since I graduated from high school!  But, I only feel like I'm 45, so how can this be?

...my family was all together - I'm talking about grandparents, aunts and uncles who have passed on.  I never forget them and really feel their absence this time of the year.

...my Dad and I talked - the last time was hours before he passed away.  I still have the sound of those words locked away in my memory so I can recall it when I need to hear his voice again.

...my first New Year's Eve party when I was 15!  It was magical, and as we walked home it was snowing!  I felt so grown up that night!

...my best girlfriends and I were inseparable!  We keep in touch, but with long stretches between calls and the much too seldom visits.

...my love for my husband burned so hot it was unbearable to be apart.  We've entered that comfortable stage when sparks fly, but it takes more work.

...my children were small and we all celebrated New Year's Eve together!  Now, being in their early 20's, spending this special night with their parents is unthinkable, and I understand as I still remember what it was like to be their age.
I don't like being melancholic, but it's unavoidable because these things once meant so much to me, and they are past and not to be re-lived.  You don't realize when you are living your life how time will pass and things will change.  

I'm not afraid of the future, so the thought of a new year approaching isn't a negative.  In fact, I'd just like to keep going around the calendar without making such a big deal.

Probably, there are two ways to avoid going through this next December 31st.  Go to a party and be distracted, or go to bed early!

I never go to bed early!