I'm in Control

I'm over my pity party!  (previous post)


I don't often allow other people to drag me down with their drama and negativity.  In fact, its so rare, this is only the second time in my life I can remember it happening.


Nothing has changed except I decided I'm not playing this game.  I'm in control of my life.  And, I'm really happy about this.  Unfortunately, the end results remain abysmal, but there's nothing I can do about changing what's been done.  So, I'm letting it go.


Unhappily, my feelings about the people involved have not changed.  I've lost them being in my life, a sad effect of their ugliness.  Hey, who am I kidding... they don't even care that our relationship has been damaged.  They can't deal with the impacts of what they do.  They've made selfish and irresponsible decisions that will have lasting detrimental outcomes for their parents.  I can't say I don't care about this.  I do, and I probably always will. 


Being sad and drowning in drama are different things.  It's okay to be sad about how things have turned out.  It's also sad that family can't deal with problems in a respectful manner.  It's sad to see grown children deny their part in failing to preserve the dignity of elderly people who can't defend themselves.  I've really learned a great deal about how ugly, selfish and compulsive people can be.  It's such a surprise to see family members for who they really are -- flawed human beings who need to adhere to their versions of reality at all costs regardless of the outcomes.


 For me, logic and fairness and duty are critical drivers for the decisions in my life.  Who would have thought anyone could vehemently fight these core values.  Guess I have learned another life lesson, which is this:  Nobody died, ignore the drama queens and get on with my own stuff!

Wasted Energy and Being Lost - Advice Please

I'm ashamed of myself.


Yes, it's true.  I've allowed other people's drama to devour my happiness and well-being.  The core of the matter lies with my steadfast belief in fairness and logic.  Thanks, Mom, you trained me well!


For the past year and a half, I've been embroiled in matters that ultimately affect the financial welfare of my beloved 90+ father- and mother-in-law.  In taking a position to uphold what is fair and logical, I've alienated my two sister-in-laws and enabled them to vilify me so my very standing in the family has been marginalized (at best.)


This has been very hurtful given my decades of involvement with my husband's family, and devotion to his aged and failing parents every weekend for the past two years.  Worse is how much damage this has done to my own happiness and well-being.  I'm finally at the point where I realize I'm more important to myself than fighting to be right in this ugly drama.


So, how to regenerate the positive energy that's been lost?


In thinking about this and doing some serious soul searching too, I realize that only I can control my behavior and master my emotions.  If I can't ignore it, then I must cut-off exposure to all of the in-law family drama.  Not much of a loss since they are being so nasty, while I have much to gain in reclaiming my happiness and peace of mind.


It's that last one -- peace of mind -- that's the catch for me.  I truly believe with all my heart and soul that my elderly in-laws are being taken advantage of and that their care and financial health is at risk.  However, there's not much I can do about it.  I've given my advice and have been told to "butt out!"  So hurtful is what's happening, this has become the daily topic of conversation between my husband and me, and at times even burdening our children.  This unhappy, dissatisfying negativity has to stop!  It's eating away at my soul!


Some would turn to prayer and put this in the hands of the Lord.  I was raised to believe the Lord helps those who help themselves, and why would I want to burden God with this nastiness!


No, I've got to fill my time, head and heart with things that are fulfilling and make me happy.  Sadly, I've concluded I  need to tune out my in-laws and leave their situation to my sisters-in-law to deal with, even if I believe their decisions are long-term harmful and driven by selfish intentions.  Obviously, I can't change their behaviors.  Since its so hard to watch, I guess I've got to remove myself from the environment and limit my visits with the old folks.


I really want to move away, start a new life, and leave them all behind...


Is that a childish reaction to being hurt or is that a good idea?


Still not sure.