Thursday, September 11, 2014

I'm Baaaaack

I took a year off, but now I'm back to writing this blog.  In the time I was away from doing this, I found I missed a great deal from not taking time to reflect and understand my reactions and feelings.

So, I'm back.  And, I have some things to work through.

I have learned over the past year how blessed my life has been in that it has been drama free.  A year ago, extended family drama bled over into my world.  I normally deflect negativity, especially when it adds no value.  By virtue of being part of this family, there was no shelter from the destructiveness of irrational, compulsive, self-centered behavior of others.  Sadly, I found myself wrapped-up in the drama and it's taken some toll on my personal relationship within the family, as well as ripping away my peace-of-mind when I found myself under siege via the continuous stream of negative emails and phone calls.

Then I took a step back, prompted by taking personal action to get the facts and make my own conclusions rather than be swept further into the family discord  by dueling factions.  What I found was the situation was just as dire as before, but I could control the emotional upheaval and refuse to take part in it by focusing on what legally needed to be done to bring about resolution.  Everyone may not be satisfied in the end, but at least we will get across the finish line, alive!

I'm very unhappy with myself that I allowed nine months of my life to get sucked into this swirling mess.  And, I'm really happy I've exited this negativity game.

And, in the end, it came down to only one thing - I have the power to control my own reactions and decisions.  I always knew that, but I (sadly) was suckered into the emotional game-playing of others.  Another life lesson, once again proving you are never too old to learn new things - or in this case, relearn and reinforce what you already know.

I talked this over with my daughter who is working on her doctorate of  Clinical Psychology.  She was very insightful when I asked why some people seem to need drama in their lives.  She said, people who lack confidence are afraid to make decisions, so they are constantly asking others for input, but are so paralyzed by all the options, they need to keep reevaluating the choices while stirring emotions to keep everyone involved (therefore, being available to play this game.)  And, by involving so many parties, they have many outlets for placing blame should they make the wrong decisions.  Lastly, pinning blame on others deflects attention away from them, allowing them to join the crowd of rock throwers.

I think that's a pretty good description of what I went through.  My positive from this experience is I now am better equipped to shutdown this destructive behavior right from the start. Or at least, see it's happening and employ my exit strategy.

At least that's my hope!

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