Friday, November 18, 2011

What's it all about?

Okay, today's thoughts are about life and what's it all about (Alphie).

Recent events have given me pause to think about what I want out of my life. I've spent 31 years working hard and I've done okay - better than a lot of people I know. Better in terms of promotions and having enough money to spoil my kids and save some for retirement and a "rainy day."

But, at what cost? That's the next question. My kids are well rounded, grounded and educated young people - one graduated from college in May and has started grad school while working for a non-profit. Not making much money, but learning how a business is run, about fund raising, and about grant writing. The other kid is still in college, working way too hard and is trying to graduate in 3 years -- just like her mom! While they were growing up, we took a yearly family beach vacation and they played sports. They went to Catholic school and were well indoctrinated in the faith -- so they could now question it. That's as it should be!

My husband is relatively happy too. I won't expound on him, because he wouldn't like me writing about him. So, out of respect, I won't go there.

Me next. Well, as I've already mentioned, I've had a relatively successful career. But, I did want it to end with a bang and it appears it will end with less than a whimper. Now, it's not over yet, so I'm projecting some, but I see clearly that I cannot stay where I am and go out with a bang. (Reflecting upon this as it's just written, I could argue with myself that is not completely true, but I am choosing to take this stand!) Oh, over the years, I have done some pretty interesting and even note worthy stuff. Unfortunately, I've never gotten the recognition I feel I deserve. And, that's at the core of my whimper comment.

I recently got this year's annual appraisal and it was very disappointing considering I have nearly single-handedly salvaged a mission critical project, one with national implications. Oh, it's not that my work isn't good - it's outstanding. But, I don't play the game. Never have. Why? Because I'm a slow starter. Yes, I believe this is at the crust of the matter. You apparently only get one chance and you have to come in with guns blazing, impress (or scare) those in power, and then manipulate to maintain your position of power. I'm smart enough to know and do this, but truthfully, I would rather put my energy into getting the work done. And, that's why I am allowed to stay and to work hard, but I will never get the prize! Not in the environment where I am employed.

I know it's all within my power to change course, grab hold of a new horse and grasp the gold ring... and, that's just what I am thinking about doing!

(So, you thought this would be about valuing life and not letting work become your life. That's another post, for another time.)